Hi,

My boyfriend has just been diagnosed with HIV. He found out a month ago, but didn't know how to tell me 'till the weekend just gone.

Um... I had my test yesterday which was negative but obviously I will need to have another test in 3 months. I'm not really bothered, I'm just worried about my bf.

He could have had it for 10 years untreated. Its hard to explain cos you don't know him or me but he is the one good thing in my life and he is such a lovely, genrous, kind person that he doesn't deserve this! Not that anyone does.

I just keep thinking of all the people I've been with, I would neve expect it ftom him, no one does. When he 1st told me, I thought well, I must have given it to him, cos he's only been with 3 people before me.

.And I been with more that three before him and no I haven't been careful. But he's from India and its so sad to think that he has had this since the 1st time he had sex when he was 17.

He was sooo happy when I told him that at the moment I am negative, but honestly, when I get tested again I expect positive bcos we been have unprotected sex for 7 months.

I'm 22 and I don't even know how I will tell my family, they will be so upset and they always told me to be careful but no one expcts it to happen to them.

I mean we're gonna fight it and have a happy fulfilled life together. Even if I am blessed enough not to have got HIV I will be there for him and he said something so stupid to me yesterday about moving on with my life!

He is my life!!!If I do have HIV then we will fight it together. Its hard to stay positive when I keep thinking that if he has had it for 10yrs untreated, how long have I got with him left? I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Does that feeling of dread inside your heart, does it ever go away?

i am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. Actually I am writing an article about girls who stay with their partners after finding out they have HIV, because it takes a specail type of person to do that. If you could offer some insightI would appreciate it, but if not I understand. Hopefully if everything goes well, maybe you can read it. With all the information that I gathered and people like you inspired me to volunteer at the AIDS action program. I'll be rooting for you.

I don't think it takes a special kind of person, just a decent one.

I mean obviously he needs me and he even says if he didn't have me he might have done somethng stupid. I don't stay out of guilt it never entered my head to leave him anyway.

I stay because I love him and we can get through this. In a way it has made us realise how special we are to each other.We are making plans for the future alot quicker than what we would be now.

Yeah, I don't mind can gve you some insight because I can't talk to anyone I know about this you know cos people are so judgemnetal about this and I am angry cos he didn't get this from doing drugs and sleeping around.

He only ever had sex wth girls that he loved. Its not fair! I'm still negative, got to get tested in 3 months. That is all that he is worried about at the moment. Thanks for your replay, it was thoughtful of you x

Dear Carla,

Thank you for your message. It means so much to us that someone else is just thinking of us. To be honest with you, I dont feel upset now, its something we have accepted and have to live wth and we will carry on as normal. Obviusl I am trying to learn all that I can about HIV and be supportive as I can. Thanks again x

By the way we are just guessing that its been 10 yrs we dont know for certain. That was the 1st time he had sex in India, wth an older girl o was a virgn, he dd have sex with a prostitute here but he used a condom and then there was his 1st gf here who was a virgin and then me who I dont have at the moment so we think its from Inda. ts werd that something that someone got n the 50's is affecting so many people \9including me an sunny ) today! That is the butterfly affect. My dad even says if you have slept wth 3 people, you have slept wth the whole world! How true that is eh?

Bye

Hiya,

Thanks for your message. I'm glad you don't have it. I'm in limbo at the moment 'cos I don't know if I have it or not. We are getting on ok. There's nothing we can do about it, just gotta live with it. It's always there in your mind and this thing is gonna be with us for the rest of our lives. I hope you had a nice christmas and have a good new years.

So..are you not well? Do the octors know what is wrong then if its not HIV? Where are you from? I'm from London, England.

Hi,

I'm sincerely sorry for this to have happened. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you, and I'm sure he knows it. May I ask how he came by the diagnosis? Because if he hasn't been showing (many) symptoms, that's a great sign. I don't know how much of the statistics you've read, but it can take decades for symptoms to show and for HIV to become AIDS; HIV is a lentivirus (literally, "slow virus"), and treatment has been consistently shown to slow the virus's effects. There are a lot of drugs like zidovudine/AZT available that are well espoused by the scientific community, and there are plenty of studies testing new drugs underway. If you read the science/microbiology journals, an overwhelming number of articles concern HIV treatments, and I hope there is at least some small level of comfort to be taken in that. While there's obviously no sure way to predict the future, there's a great and increasing possibility that you and your boyfriend will have many, many happy years to come together. Please keep writing, I hope you will be well. All the best, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hello,

Um..well Sunny went about getting tested because he had a rash on his penis. Anyway, they asked him if he wanted a routine HIV test so he took it.

Anyway, the bad news came that he had HIV. I didn't have a clue. I mean he was obviously really depressed but he wouldn't talk about it and would jut say it was work or family stuff. He even had a couple of minor car accidents cos he was thinking about it so much.

What makes me laugh (in an ironic way) is that a couple of days before he told me he was HIV positive, I told him that I was going to have a full sexual health check cos I hadn't been checked sice my last partner and I even said I don't have HIV, dont worry!

I mean, how he managed to keep quiet then I dont know but he must have been thinking, well actually, theres a good chance you do!!!

It was weird though, on that day I'd been speaking to him on the phone and he kept saying no matter what happens, will I always be on his side and would i never leave him no matter what he has done.

Obviously I get to thinking, well what has he done. The day he told me was Saturday 25th November. We were sitting at home on the sofa and he was really restless and was putting his head in his hands and his head on my lap and I asked ru ok and he told me no not really and i said will you please tell me what is wrong?

Anyway, he kept saying we are in big trouble and why does bad stuff always happen to him and he kept telling me not to be angry so me being me was thinking oh my god he's cheated on me and he took ages and then he told me he was HIV positive.

At first I thought it was a joke (I don't know why he would never joke about anything like that) and I wasn't angry, I was upset that he had been going thru this on his own for the last 4/5 weeks.

I just sat there and we cuddled and he kept saying sorry but I told him we dont know it could've been me so dont say sorry. And then for about 10 days I couldn't stop crying.

The first morning after I found out and you have a couple of seconds before it hits you again and its depression of the worst kind. Al I would do is cry.

I kept telling him to be strong and carry on and I was just crying.When I went back to work I cried as soon as I walked in. When I found out I was negative (for the time being, I'm going on Feb 26th to get tested again as the day he told me was the last day we had unprotected sex) he was sooo happy.

I mean, 100% happy like he didn't even have it himself. I will abviously be bothered if it turns out I am postive, but I mean that it would have been found early nough hat I have a choice of what I want to do about it.

He hasn't told anyone else. He has been avoiding his family. He wont call or text them and his sister is so worried. He showed me a message she sent him.

I mean he hasn't spoken to them in months. They dont know if he's alive, in prison, kidnapped or anything. He doesn't have to tell them about this, but he should call his sister and parents to let them know he is ok, that he's still here.

He wont though and I cant make him. Any way, on a happier note. We are going to be getting our own place together next year and have children and be getting married (I wont tell him this ever but the reason I want his children so much now is that if it is worse than we realise, I want something of him when he goes.) A career and busy social life doesn't matter now, I only surround myself with true friends.

I haven't told my parents and dont think I will unless I'm postive and even then only if necessary like if i get really ill.

Im sorry if I have bored you but I haven't had anyone to tell that to. Its alot easier to tell someone that you dont know than someone you do I think.

One last thing and something I will never get over is that this came out of nowhere.I mean, seriously, things were perfect, so perfect.

I know things are still going to be, but until they find a cure, who knows, its something thats always going to be there.

He didn't have any sysmpoms.I mean he never even had a flu or cold. But he does lose concentration like a lot and his memory is messed up, but thats it. Nothing physically wrong at all.

The medication makes him tired a lot though now. I'm paranoid like all the time now, like I have 2 colds in the last 2 months and I have a had a rash on my left wrist and I never get rashes there, only on my feet, knees and elbows and this rash is always there. Thank you for reading/listening. It is good to talk.

Thanks for replying! I'm glad to hear about the good things going in your life, despite the diagnosis, and it's great that you have that kind of love. It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship, the kind books and poems are written about! :) That's a rock through any storm. I'm so sorry about the family difficulties. Maybe you can't make him tell his family, but do you know if his family is the kind that would have or create genuine problems upon learning about this? Or is it more that he feels like it's too hard to tell them? And your family? Obviously I can only speak for myself, but it seems to me, if you don't mind my saying so, that a secret needn't define your relationship with your family, regardless of whether they are told. I let that happen and I was thankfully able to rectify it. I know how hard it is to divulge secrets to anyone, let alone that, and I wish I could help! So I hope that you still maintain the ties with your family whatever happens and that Sunny does work things out with his. Please, do write when you need to. For all the strength in you that I'm seeing, you deserve a break from all of this. But it sounds like you have a good grasp on the situation and a game plan, and that's the best hand you can have no matter what. Don't know if I mentioned it before, but you're in my prayers! And again, all the best!

Ummm.... He wont tell his family bcos he simply doesn't know how. But I just think he should talk to them cos they are his family and he needs them. I'm here for him,but he always feels so guilty now and no matter how much I assure him he or no one is to blame he is always uncertain. Love is funny. Just a quick thin cos this is not a love board but before Sunny, all my boyfriends were "badboys" and I could even expect that something like this would happen with them, but he's so loving and sensible, it just doesn't seem real. So I chat so much about me and I might seem self-obsessed but really I'm not!

Whats your story?

Stay in touch. PS- I don't seem to pray any more, I just argue with God like a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!

The truth is, I haven't actually been directly affected by HIV/AIDS, aside from wanting to do something to fight it and all of its tertiary effects. Presently, I work in science journals (though I'm not a trained scientist) and I see both how prevalent and severe it can be and also how widely the scientific and medical communities are combating it---and how much success they're achieving. The world, in all respects, is getting better at handling the issue of AIDS. So, as I said, there is certainly hope in sight. Maybe that doesn't fully explain why I came here; really, I just want to be there for people and try to share hope when hope doesn't seem to be there or seems to be failing. Let me just say, when I mentioned prayer, I'm not trying to "push God on you" as it were, but regardless of belief, I don't think it helps to argue with God. Don't get me wrong, it's natural at times, and I've definitely done that, but it's peace and happiness that we're all after, and that's exactly why I do pray---for peace within all of our lives, whatever we believe, however we live. And from what you've told me, you and Sunny have the tools for your own peace and happiness, and I hope that whatever happens, you never refrain from using them. :)

Wow, Even this thing has affected me, I have only briefly looked into volunteering. Its such a good thing that you are doing.

Sunny has told his parents now. They are fine. They are worried but they are fine. They call him everyday to make sure that he as taken his medicine and that he has eaten right. They are also praying that when I go to get tested again that I am ok.

The only thing is now is having children. I just really want them now but we have to wait and its like everywhere I look everyones having babies!!!!! But I am going to be an aunty so I am looking forward to that, my brother and his girlfriend are having a baby. He is 19, my brother. Its best not to tell my family, bcos although they love Sunny, if they knew about this, they would just worry about me getting it.

Anyway, I wont bore you, but please stay in touch. x

Thank you for saying that. I'm just glad to listen. And I'm thrilled to hear of how things are going with Sunny and his family. I know it'll only help to have them in the support system. Have you had your second test yet? Have you found out anything? I'm praying for you and a good outcome, of course. And as far as your family goes, you're right, there's probably no need to tell them anything yet, but my line of thinking is that hiding something major from them probably won't help in the long run. You shouldn't feel you have to tell them anything until you're ready to, but also please consider that omitting important details tends to keep people from being as close as they can be. Not necessarily, and not always, but it can foster a feeling of distance, as I've found. But regardless of what, when, whether, and/or how you tell your family, it sounds like they'll be there for you and do the best they can for you, which is a great thing to keep in mind. And congratulations on being an aunt! That should be a fun adventure and definitely something to look forward to. I hope everything on the horizon goes as best it can in all ways. Keep me posted!

Hi,

So it turns out Im positive. I am really depressed. And angry. All my patience has gone. I thought I would be ok and be able to accept but I dont. I just want it gone. I dont want to have to deal with it or take meds or get ill or worry about every little thing that happens to me. I know evryone is like all ok and blah but I am not. This is an invasion of MY BODY!It has got to go. I dont want my family to worry and all that. In saying that htey have all been great and my brother came with me to get my results and they have all given me a hug and shown that they love me. I was unbelievably nasty to Sunny for a couple of days after finding out I was positive. Its just cos I was angry and I wanted someone to blame. Anyway, when I finally accept it, I will let you know how I am feeling, but at the moment I just dont think this thing is in my body. And Im gona make it go if it is.

Ooh, where does Treslusnas come from?

I'm so sorry to hear about the results. (And I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but my sustained time in front of a computer was sparse this week.) I don't mean this to sound patronizing, but as well as anger and depression, denial is a very natural reaction to something with a scope like this. It also makes sense, because you really haven't been showing symptoms yet, right? Nothing has changed except the diagnosis, so in a way, you shouldn't feel like it's true. At the same time, no one can tell you your prognosis, but you can take the attitude to fight it and win, which from this and your other thread, I see you've done despite just how hard it is and how confusing life can seem. I'm too far removed from my psychoneuroimmunology classes to remember the exact pathways, but studies have shown time and again that your attitude, thought process, and especially stress level affect your immune system and if you decide you're going to live your life and beat this thing, your T cells and B cells will mirror that. Keeping your mood and outlook positive is a great help; that said, don't deny any negativity you have, but remember and enjoy all that you have in your life. You know, there's also the possibility (and I don't know the likelihood of this offhand) that since HIV is the virus (which infects) and AIDS is the disease (the collection of symptoms) you could fight the virus for many years and never even have the disease. Or it may never materialize too strongly. Or you could fight it until there's a cure. I have to think those could very well happen. I'll try to research these issues in the coming days (the book closest to me at the moment is hopelessly outdated on various aspects). Be strong! Never forget, you have a great team of people who love you in your corner, no matter what!

**Tres Lunas ("three moons" in Spanish) was a neat album by progressive-rock/new-age musician Mike Oldfield. Not easy to find in the U.S., but it was worth it (for me, anyway)!

All the best! Write back when you can!
[This Message was Edited on 03/11/2007]

Hi again,

I've found that talking about it helps. You know just letting my closest friends know is helping me to come to terms wih it. Its amazing how much people dont know. I mean until 3mths ago, I didnt even know what cd4 or viral load meant. And I knew that it can take 3mths to show up in your blood but alot of people dont know so in the beginning everyone was ready to balme Sunny. I haven't come across any prejudice, but Im a pretty good judge of character and I would only tell those who I trust and who Iknow will offer me support. Sunny is planning to go to India soon cos there may be a place there where he can be cured. I dont believe in it, but he wants to try everything. Then if he does get better he will take me there. I've also seen some chinese herbal tea called Revivo. I might try that cos I cant take meds until Im ill and certain meds I dont think I can take if I want to have children. How are you, anyway? We know how I am. All i do is talk me, me, me and Im not even that intresting, just ill (or will be in a good few years)

Luv ya x

I just knew your family and friends would be there for you! It's great to know that. I have been thinking of you and praying for you and felt confident you'd have people around you to help and talk to. And, of course, I'm always glad to talk to you! What Sunny's looking at for treatment may be suspect, but almost any kind of treatment has various potential, so who knows. Incidentally, I saw the following article the other day if you're interested.

http://www.mgwnews.com/issue.current.showarticle.asp?article_id=465§ion_id=10

If you like, I can post anything else I come upon similarly.

Anyway, I'm just kinda here at the moment. My boyfriend may be moving far away for grad school very soon. I initially said that where he went, I'd try to follow, but it's pretty far from my family and everyone I know. We talked about it and decided if he went, I'd stay where I am until he was sure he liked the school, but I just don't know how ready I am to be at that kind of distance from everyone. Well, I shouldn't stress too much about it yet. We'll see in time. Thanks for keeping in touch!

Moving away from everyone will be hard, especially if it is far away. Sunny wants to move to Derby which is quite far from London where all my friends ad family are. I want to move with him cos he needs his family but then I need mine and I know if I do move to Derby they will miss me. Would you feel comfortable living far away from him? Its not about trust, just about how much you would miss him. When Sunny first suggested moving to Derby I was quite stoppy saying I am not moving to Derby, but he was lke he would move there and still see me on weekends, which I dont feel comfortable with, so we are moving to Derby later this year or early next year. Also, in London, we are very close to the only clinic in the UK who does sperm washing and helps couples with HIV to have children, which is what we want and the waiting list is 18mths. I've already put the wheels in motion for that.

So, are you from America? What part? How long have you been with your boyfriend?

Thanks for that article. Some good news if they do become available.

Thanks

We've been together almost a year and a half now. (We're in the Washington area.) I definitely understand what you mean about missing him. Strangely enough, I had a dream about that last night. The thing is, we've talked about this, and he's said that he'll probably be completely immersed in his grad work, between labs and classes, and if we did both move there, we may end up living essentially separate lives most of the time for the first year anyway. So in a sense, I'd have to anticipate missing spending time together no matter what. I am planning on visiting when I can and when his schedule permits. Like I said, I'm pretty divided about this, and I don't think there's any perfect solution, as there usually isn't. At the moment, we're just trying to enjoy spending the time together and see where things take us.

I'm intrigued by the "sperm washing" concept. Can you tell me more about that? It's great that there's such a service. You're right, there's a lot to learn!

Hiya,

So sperm washing is done on the principle that it is just the fluid that the sperm is carried in has the HIV virus and the sperm itself does not, so they have a special machine which they use to seperate the sperm from the semen and then they test it. It is 99% effective and they believe if any virus is still there it is an insufficient amount for the disease to be passed on to mother and baby. And then you have to take the drugs to prevent it being passed to the baby during pregnancy. So far, babies who have been conceived and looked after during this way, none have been born HIV-Positive so thats really good.

I suppose what you say is true, if he will be focuing on his studies and grad work maybe it would be the same as living away from him. As person Im very insecure, so for me I would need to be near Sunny. He's going to India for 7 days next weekend that is too much but its something that he needs to do.

Im worried about Sunny. He has lost so much weight, he is tired all the time, his body aches all the time, he has a pain in his chest the kind of pain where you have been excercising and straining your muscles too hard and I dont know what to do. I keep saying he should speak to his doctor but he is just waiting for his next appointment.

Anyway, I hope everything is ok with you. Stay in touch x

Sorry I've been quiet... it's been busy here lately. The good news is that my boyfriend is looking at jobs near my hometown, so if he gets a good offer, he'll forgo grad school (or try to get the employer to pay for a local grad school). As it is, I have to make a housing decision well before he has to make his decision, but depending how things work out, I could always break my lease and move wherever.

But anyway, how are you and Sunny? How was his trip to India? Is he feeling any better from the treatment program? Are you feeling okay? Please let me know. I read a little more about sperm washing, and it's definitely a fascinating idea. You may already know that the oldest child born of this procedure is 11 now. It gives good confidence that it's had over a decade of clinical experience in various countries. Wishing you the best.

Sunny's trip to India was tiring for him, to say the least. He spent most of his time travelling to see family and then all these different religious places. And he drank the water from there, which he shouldn't have done cos it gave him diarrhea. He says he doesn't feel any better for it. He is going back in a couple of months with his uncle to go to other places. Here, he is going to his parents every weekend cos his mum wants to do some rituals for him. He also has a lump undeneath his left nipple and he is so skinny you can see his ribcage. He doesn't feel like doing anything anymore-eating, going out, sex. I have to make sure he eats something 3 times a day at least.

There's this Chimese Tea called Revivo which I am considering trying cos while I am not on any meds, it can't hurt, can it? I read alot about it and I dont believe that it performs miracles, but I do think that it will have strong benefits than not taking it at all.

Actually, it turns out I am very healthy at the moment. My viral load was only 98 and my CD4 568, so I am quite happy cos alot of the time when newly infected it can be up in the 1000's. All my organs are particularly healthy so its not all bad.

Hopefully, an employer may pay for your boyfriend to go to grad school, cos education is important, as is experience.

So, do you live on your own or with friends/family or with your boyfriend?

Hey, how are you doing? I'm so sorry to hear about all of that. Has Sunny gotten any better? Travel can be stressful, and maybe more-routine stuff would help (or has helped, if he's not going as many places)? Then again, I can't claim to know what's best. Whatever the case, I'm sure Sunny knows how lucky he is to have you! In the end, while most everything else is transient, you two have a love that's still standing in the face of a multitude of storms (I hope that doesn't sound too cliche [I was an English major, and not a great one at that] but in reality, it's true, isn't it?) And how are you doing? And feeling? I hope you won't take this in a negative way, but have you (and Sunny) talked to a therapist? You both have great support systems, but you could do worse than to talk to a professional. It couldn't hurt, for anyone, really. Basically, I'm just saying I want the best for you; and I can tell you're doing everything in your power for both you and Sunny, but I just thought I'd throw that out there. :) That's my two cents on it. Out of curiosity, what do you and Sunny do in your spare time? And on a further lighter note, what are your top five If-I-Had-To-Be-Stranded-on-a-Deserted-Island-and-Could-Only-Have-Five-CDs CDs be?

Oh, and I feel bad I haven't been keeping up with any scientific research, though I told myself I would. I'm making a note to myself to do that this week. Have you gotten any further with the sperm washing, by the way?

As for me, my boyfriend and I live (each alone) five minutes away from each other at the moment; right now, it does look like he's going to grad school, which would necessitate the year-apart plan, since he's considered that his fall-back and hasn't heard from any other jobs. Maybe it's overly optimistic not to think that will be problematic, but I think we're both committed enough to each other that as much as we'd/we'll miss each other, we know we're in it for the long haul and so it'll work out. Thank you for asking! :) I hope to hear from you again soon!

Always my best, -TL

How are you? With this life goes on. Not alot I can do except be as healthy as possible, but thank you for your concern How have you been? I know that for some people its all they can think about, but right now, it isn't taking over my life, which I suppose is a good thing.

It is good to hear from you. I hope life is going well for you. Stay in touch.

Angie x

Hi, how have you been. Things are going ok. Sunny is moving upto Derby. We are having a break cos lately we have been arguing everyday over every little thing and its like he has given up completely. He doesn't go out, he doesn't eat, he doesn't do what boyfriends and girlfriends should do and I would be fine if he was ill and at least fighting it, but it is so horrible to watch someone you love not fight back anymore. He has had to leave work (he was a very good heating engineer, in fsct the best the company had and that is not me being biased) but he doesn't concentrate anymore and i is too much of strain on his body, but things will still be ok between us. He will be looked afterin Derby as he will be with his parents and he wont have work in the way or stressin out about bills or whatever and he will be eating at least 3 square meals a day. I'll be living back at my nans for a little while. I will miss having my own space, but my nan is lovely. Plus its closer to my work and my friends and the rent is peanuts.

Top 5 CD'S

Welcome to the Hits Guns n Roses Young Lust Aerosmith Greatest Hits The Eminem Show Eminem Devils Night D12 Donnie Darko Soundtrack

What about you?

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear how Sunny has been doing... is he doing any better now in Derby? I know you're right, that you'll still have what you have together but that it's difficult and different; it must be unimaginable to be in his position, to seem to be giving up and helpless, but at the same time, one is never helpless. Anything we do can affect ourselves in some way greater than we can see, and I hope you both never forget that in your struggle. How are you doing now? Has the move gone smoothly?

It looks like my boyfriend is definitely moving for grad school, as he hasn't heard from the jobs he applied to. I've had a lot of time to digest the idea, so I'm somewhat at peace with it. It's one of those better-in-the-long-run things though life will be odd without him here, to say the least. I may end up taking some classes in the meantime. Oh, and my top 5 desert-island albums (obscure though they may be):

1. Tubular Bells III by Mike Oldfield 2. Notwithstanding by Chalk Farm 3. Born Innocent by The Proclaimers 4. Don't Mind If I Do by Culture Club 5. Temple of the Dog by Temple of the Dog (members of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden)

I really liked the soundtrack to Donnie Darko and the movie. I'll have to give another listen to that, and some D12. I'd wondered what their non-single songs sounded like.

Incidentally, if you're interested, here's some research I came upon. A good resource for this kind of thing is PubMed (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query/static/citmatch.html). Use keywords in the Title box. It's usually a very mixed bag as far as results go, but you can find some interesting items. You could also check out the online sites for the various science journals; those would be more specific but some are members-only or time-locked. But as you said, you aren't letting this get in your way in life, so I won't be offended if you'd like me to stop here :)

http://www.iasusa.org/pub/topics/2007/issue2/48.pdf

http://thomasland.metapress.com/app/home/contribution.asp?referrer=parent&backto=issue,3,7;journal,1,40;linkingpublicationresults,1:300380,1

Hoping to hear from you again soon :),

-TL

Hey, Sunnysgirl,

I know you're probably busy these days, but I just thought I'd let you know I hope you're doing well, you're still in my thoughts and prayers, and that it'd be great to hear from you.

Always my best,

-TL

Hiya, Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. Its just now that Sunny has gone upto Derby, he has the computer, so the only access I have is at work and trying to even get 5mins to eat my lunch is almost impossible.

Thank you for the websites and the information, although I haven't had time to look them up. Its weird before, if there was an article in the newspaper or magazine about HIV, I'd read it and forget about it, but now I soak everything up, if people see anything they let me know about it and if theres any shows then I watch them. I like to read the facts and learn as much as I can, but what really interests me and makes me angry is the stigma surrounding HIV. There was one article in THe Sun an english newspaper about a 16 year old girl who had been born with it cos her Mum had had it and did not know and people would spit on her and tell everyone else she had HIV and told them not to go near her. Now I'm not saying that people like me who got HIV thru sex deserve it, but she was completely innocent, she was born with it and has to live with it. THese people have no right to be horrble. HIV is seen as the dirty disease where people who have lots of sex or do drugs or are gay get the disease. It just annoys me and it can happen to anyone. I dont know how to explain it but people should not be like that towards people with HIV as it is an illness. They don't need to feel sorry for them, as I am sure in a lot of cases in the western world we know the score, we could have been careful just take it for granted that it wont happen to us and we had choices and we made the wrong choice of not using a CONDOM. Now I ahve to use them all the time cos apparantly the disease can be passed back and ruin adhereance to medication so theres that. Seriously my theory is that anyone in the worl who has had unprotected sex should have a HIV test and then they would know and prevent themselves spreading it although there are some sick people who know they have it and still dont use protection. That is sick and awful.

Anyway, on a good note, all the people I have told have been really ok and I have had no stupid reactions (although my dad, bless him, thinks I am going to die soon). A couple of my friends work in the medical field (not doctors) and have a greater understanding. I think it would be nice to meet people who are HIV positive, cos Sunny is still the only person I know who has it.

I dont know how to be. I dont feel sorry for myself, I dont feel my life is changing, but its like I read other peoples stories of HIV and they seem to be a lot smarter than I am and more profound and almost like they are martyrs. I am waiting for the day when HIV is on the same level as the common cold, where its just a passing thing, its not an issue, you dont feel ashamed to say I have HIV. Obviously, I would prefer to honestly say I don not have HIV, but that is still a long time coming, but hopefully one day.

Sunny and I will be getting married! Yay! I am really excited. However, he wants to remain in Derby and at the moment I have agreed, but I would prefer to live between London and Derby. Watch this space......

How you keeping? Hows your boyfriend? Any plans for the summer?

Take care

Angie x

Hey, I'm glad you're doing well, and congratulations on your marriage plans! That made me quite happy to hear. I'll be thrilled to hear how that goes. You seem to be the epitome of the person who's not letting one thing define her and who's living her life. You're right, that's a great contrast to the case of the 16-yr-old girl you mentioned People can be cruel, and there are all instances of that all over the world, for terrible reasons. People can be narrowminded and hateful, and it seems like you've been fortunate in so many of your friends and family members not being like that. I've been pretty fortunate in that regard to, and I do try to remember to be actively thankful for that. Where my boyfriend is moving is somewhere where there is a higher quotient of, well, social conservatives, to put it that way (i.e., the South). That's been one of my reservations about it, but I did say I'd follow him, and I do intend to. He's moving next weekend already (!) and it doesn't feel real yet. I suppose it will after that. I'll be visiting him twice within the first two months, so that'll be good, but once school really starts up in the fall, he may be very busy and even phone calls will be somewhat infrequent. I may be catastrophizing with that, though. I have faith it'll work. My other summer plans include my family's trip to Las Vegas (I've never been), which ought to be a good time, and I think that's about it. But that's still more travel than I usually do!

Also, incidentally, I've decided I'm going to sign up for those HIV vaccine/drug trials. To me, it's like of like voting: one person alone usually doesn't make a difference, but it's the collective attitude of people believing that one person might that lifts the number well above one to the point where the difference is made. In that way, I think just by living life as a wonderful example of a person, you are helping change the world by exposing yourself to the people in your life and changing the way they think about things. There is usually always more we can do, but a lot of the time, we are doing more than we think. :)

My best as always, -TL

ha ha ha

Dear Sunnysgirl,

I tested poz December 14, 2003, I remember it well. It was on a Thursday morning at a methadone clinic in Pasadena,Texas. To find out I was hiv+ eleven days before Christmas was devastating, not to mention my mother had passed away 3 years earlier in August of 2000 from multiple organ failure due to complications from AIDS. All the friends that I had lost and the ways that they had all passed was horrific, it was to much for me to bare. Instead of these events causing me to turn my life around I slipped deeper into depression and drugs, never giving my health a second thought. Then one day I woke up and made that decision to fight and get my life back ! I did. You mentioned about his sexaul encounters since he was 17 yrs. old, well let me shed some light on it for ya, I was wracked with guilt because before I straightend my life up I prostituted and I wasnt careful, and I had unsafe "consintual" sex. What if I infected these people? I had a really sweet counsellor who explained it like this,she said "did you plan to get hiv?" I replied "No",she said "It was your choice to do drugs and have sex( choice being the operative word)I said "yes" then it was their choice to be with you. No one was asking for a hiv test. Today I live clean and sober, and working at the AIDS foundation Houston..thats my testimony. You and Sunny can live a long and productive life.There are peer support groups out there. Utilize every resource out there to stay healthy and positive, and last but not least make that step to make a difference. The world needs ya. My family when I told them some embraced, some didn't, and that's okay, I have extended family to make up for the ones I don't have. I know every culture is different but there is one thing thats universal and thats LOVE,hold on tight sunny and his girl !

Sincerely, Rob2007

Hi I live in san francisco, I am 35 years old and my boyfriend is almost 22 yes we have a large age difference. But we have something in common.... Yes ! I like to call it the Hi Five Hi for the first two letters and the V means Five in roman numbers. It sounds so much better..... Well I have had it for 8 years, I have my good days and bad. Alote of little infections all the time. I do not take meds. And frankly it depends on the person. Some people do just fine with taking meds. I feel if i take them too early they wont work when i need them. besides almost everyone i know that has taken the meds is dead. I think if you have a strong mind and dont let the word eat at you you live longer. I am a high believer in holistic healing. Colloidal silver is a cure all if made at home and taken in moderation. thats just water charged with 9.99 silver and 9volts of electricity. My boyfriend is also poz. he got it from unprotected sex with a transgender he cant say for sure how long he has had it. we both have hep c and he is doing great... he will get days of depression and a cold or abcess here and there but his t-cell count is high and viral load is fair. I have never had above 200 t cells and the doctors are baffled.... I party from time to time and drink on holidays...Most people say they would have never known i had it just by looking at me. Its very hard for a girl to girl to give it to a man but real easy for a man to give it to a lady.... so be careful! be there for him and push him on the days he seems tired... make sure he eats even if he dont want to... and another thing is the virus wont get to you as fast if you are in good condition no muscle then you have big problems. I have been a certified peer educator since 2001 and want to work with more poz youth and people in the arts.... Its not the end of the world and if he needs any friendly honest advice both of you can feel free to contact me at anytime for any reason. a good support system is mandatory! dont sit around and watch depressing issues. dont tell people if they are going to treat you badly. some people should know some people cant intake the factors without negative feedback. I think the government knows much more than we hear in the media and i think there is a cure... be it tone generation or japanese cucumber root... but whats important is not to trip and except your lover and all that comes with the relationship. If you sleep with a person that is negative that feeling of " am I killing this person" always sits in the back of your head. it can cause friction in the relationship. I lost my last boyfriend to asthma attack he died in my arms we were together for three years did not use protection and when he died he was still neg. I have come to find out some people just dont seem to get it and some people got it and cant for the life of them remember how they could have caught it. i have many theory's Well i hope some of what i have said has helped you. if not ; well i gave it a shot! but a good idea is to take a peer education class it will help the both of you 100% and he will deal with the diegnosis much better. and help you decide what direction you need to focus on.... its not important how we die its or when we die. but it is important how we value the days we have left and learn understanding and compassion. its a cold world at times. And safe sex is not an easy practice in the heat of the moment... but you can take better care of him and yourself if you are healthy mind body and spirit. i thank god that i know now because i care more about life in general.. when you dont have a care in the world , you can tend to waste time and pass bye oprotunities to love the ones that realy care about us. take care peace and good health summerlane

The reason that people live with HIV for so long before developing AIDS is not because of the drugs, in fact the use of drugs upon discovering HIV was a practice that caused the death of many people most of them from liver failure. You need to get the other side of the story and decide for yourself. HIV tests haven't been properly validated and you can even read that in the inserts. The reason is that HIV is extremely hard to cultivate from the blood of a patient, so the "golden rule" of validation hasn't been possible to achieve. The ELISA and WESTERN BLOT were developed based on the assumption that certain proteins were produced by the virus, but it has been observed that false positives occur very often. To this day there are people that have lived more than 20 yrs with the virus that haven't taken any medication. Also in a recent published paper it was demonstrated that viral load doesn't correlate at all with disease progression.

Im a 23 year old mom. I found out i was positive a year ago and cried of damn near a month straight! my son is 5 and i could hardly feed him and bathe him i was so depressed. all i could think about was OMG!!!Im goin to die soon. but once i realized that I had a son to take care of, I started going to doctors and psycologists. by the way, DONT GO TO A PSYCOLOGIST. they have NO clue what to say and they just keep saying "you will be okay". I suggest that you get all the info that you can!!! And DONT think that you cant have kids either! I am currently 6 months pregnant with another boy. i am going to a treatment facility just for hiv infections and they make me feel like its just a common cold...even though i know its not. with the meds that im taking, my baby only has a 1% chance of being infected and thats if i have a vaginal delivery which im not. I used to be so scared about everything i did around my son to make sure that he doesnt get it from me but its so hard to transmit it...That feeling of dread you were talkin about will go away. not right away but soon enough. If you do have this virus just keep your head up and take your meds EVERYDAY! but i would advise you not to take ATRIPLA. it can cause birht defects in a baby. im taking reyataz,norvir, and tuvada. 3 pills a day but it is totally worth it!

Just to let u know you are at high risk for contracting hiv from your bf but it doesnt necessaraly mean you have it as well which is a good thing!!!! i was told this not that long ago actually from a nurse i told her well if someone has it and you have sex the other person will become infected and she told me noooooo that's not the case!For you sake i hope you are negative!!!!! and im sorry for your bf!!! take care!!