So I got told yesterday that I am defnitly HIV-Positive. I thought that I would be ok with it but I'm not. I am so angry and upset. Its not fair. I haven't done anything wrong. I just really want to hurt everyone and that is selfish and wrong of me but that is how I feel at the moment. This stupid disease just ruins everything. I am 22, I will be lucky to make it to 52. In that time they could find a cure though I suppose.

My family and friends have been brilliant, I must say. My brother has been there for me more than I can imagine he would be. I didn't know he loved me so much. My Dad has been fantastic andmy step-mum as well. Also my mother. But the one who has been the best has been Sunny my boyfriend. I know it may seem trivial but he still makes me feel sexy and loved completely.

Ido feel very selfish and I don't know how long that will last. I dont want to die young and not have done anything except worked in a poxy plumbing company and had loads of debts and never seen the world. I cant even live life to the full cos I cant go to America, I cant go to Lithunaua. My boyfriend is originally from India and our plan was to live there. Now we wont be allowed. Stupid. I want children but then I dont cos I dont want to miss them growing up. And what will happen to them when me and Sunny are gone.

What makes me so sad i that we can treat this as much as we want and we can go through a lot of hell to feel a bit better but in the end it doesn't matter, it will kill us and I am so scared to die. But even more I am scared that Sunny will die before me and I will have to go through life with this thing on my own.

I tell you what I aint gonna let this beat me. I tdoesn't stand a chance against me, trust me. I am too strong for that and the greatest fight we all have is the will to live. I strongly believe this will help me to survive.

Dear Sunnygirl, I am so sorry to hear the news. I have been watching your post for a while now and was hoping not to hear a postive test result for you. I know theres nothing I could say to make this situation any better for you but, let me say this. This is not a fight you have to fight alone. God will carry you through this if you allow him to. Death can be a scary thing but if you know God and accept his son there is a better place to go to. A place where HIV can not exsist. All you have to do is ask God to come into your life and confess your sins and he will surely come and battle this with you. This HIV is not your fault, it is a horrible disease but today is not as bad as it was 20 yrs ago. People live very long lives today with this virus. Healthy Lives at that! Chin up girl, you will fight this and you will live your life and much of it! I will be praying for you God Bless!!!

Thank you for taking the time to spare a thought for me, I really appreciate it. The anger has gone now and I just gotta get on with it now and accept it. Its weird, I cant picture myself getting ill, or even having to take meds. I think my mind is saying that this is happening to someone else and not me. Life with HIV is alot easier nowadays -its more like a chronic illness than a fatal disease and I know that I have to stay positive and have faith and things can only go well. Again thank you, and I realise my journey has only just begun and I must appreciate that I have a lot of time to live and do all the things I want to. Thanks again.

Nevermind about what Im going thru, what must you be going thru! Im sorry, but some things in life really angry e and when someone is really ill they should have the support and love of their family and their husbands to help then cope. They should not have to deal with being ill on their own. I really feel for you and maybe your husband doesn't care, cos obviously you would rather have a life where you didn't have to take these drugs, but I do care!

And I thank you from my heart for taking the time to talk to me and offer your support.

Angie x

Hey girl, i wish you all the luck in the world. I cannot even imagine what you must be going through right now, but this is a time to find god and truly have faith in yourself. Hope for a cure and i will donate for you, nobody should have this terrible disease. it is immpossible. well if you ever ned anything please, please don't hesitate to ask! you name it sweetie. Good luck and godbless.

Thank you for your response. Ha!HA! You dont need to donate for me, but just having your support mentally is enough. Thank you gain x

at first i want to thank you for writing you story on this web, i found it very inspiring. i am in the same situation you were short time ago. 4 month before which is on January i have been told i am HIV positive by my ex and went to check if what he said was true and yes it is. i felt so destroyed angry and hopeless at a time, i didn't know what to think say or react. then i turn to ma ex for a support as he said i will leave the choice for you, if u want us to work what we has lets try if you don't he said he will be beside me no matter what. i thought about it and said there will be no one who will understand me in this situation better than him so i wanted to make it work. hi was a big support for a while, i tried to forget about the HIV and live life as normal.

recently me and ma boyfriend broke-up for good as we couldnt make it work. i had to much anger in him, i blamed him for the situation he put me through. i got the diseases from him for sure coz i never had and contact with any one els. and it is not fare that i got this disease after going out just with one person ever in my life. now i am alone by my self with this horrible disease eating me inside. i have got no one to talk with, i mean i have family and friends but i will never be comfortable to tell them about it as i know what there view on HIV is. i was reading your story and remember saying oh she is very luck, she has her family to support her most of all your boyfriend is there for you. do you know what my worst fear is? not be able to have a baby that dreamed of ever since i remember !! i am not Afraid of living with the virus because i wont change andy thing by being scare of it, but i am afraid of living by my self for the rest of my life, i am afraid what will happen when my family and friend find out, i am scared i will end up by my self with no baby and husband coz once my boyfriend gone i know there is no one i can be with. one of the reason i broke up with my boy friend is when he know i got this diseases he start thinking i won't be going anywhere coz i am not normal as i once was, he start thinking he is my only choice so i said i would rather be alone than being with the person who thinks i have got nowhere to go.
sorry i guess i nagged you a lot about my life tragedy but all i wanted to say was you have to know how lucky you are because there are people with a worst scenario in life. and if you can it will be very nice to know what you are up to know? and how you are dealing with things?
lots of luv

i have read ur story from the reply to sunny and life for sure goes on, i am hiv positive as well and i am pregnant so dont say that u cant have a baby coz i know that if u want u will have one, there are so many pple out there who have good hearts and u may be lucky and find a nice suitable man and u will make a family together.i havent told my family about my status just like u and i know that if i tell them they might be very scared so i choose to keep it to my self for the good, i have a good husband who is keeping me going each day...so dont give up

i have lived 7yrs positvely...my boy friend and i use condom since we meet...now he wants me to get a test...i have not been honest with him about my statues!if he finds out i will loose him ,what do i do?this has always been my secret...till i join this site,am so streesd..please advace me.

in africa if people will find out you have hiv,they think your a freak!!!!!i live with this secret happly for 7yrs!!!!!my boyfriend is giving me all the good advace,so that i can have the test,bt still i cant....

i think ur going to be ok. you have the right attitude

thanks..