My 84 year old mother has been diagnosed with Ad. What baffles us mosty and frightens us very much, is the strong bond she has formed with a sister she didn't even want to see before,

Is it possible that Ad changes her so much that in a few weeks she obeys this sister in everyhing she tells her She is completely dependent on this sister, as if she was a little girl and the sister was the mother.

What can this sister be doing to make her that way? How can we reverse this situation?

I am frightened and sad.

Thank you.

Andrea

Well Andrea,

You did not provide many details, so I will have to read into the situation, based on my experience with my Aunt.

There comes a time in dementia when daily functioning becomes very difficult. Making the smallest decision becomes monumental and overwelming. At this point, anyone who becomes involved in a regular way becomes the persons most trusted person. Often this is family. It may be someone who is not the most logical choice, but who becomes involved. In other cases it can lead to exploitation when the ADLO puts their trust in a dishonest family member (who sees an opportunity), a neighbor, a renter, even a hired caregiver.

I assume that this sister lives nearby and has gotten involved in daily assistance, shopping, etc. while you live farther away and cannot visit so often.

What you need to do is get involved in a major way, get your mother to trust you. Get the legal paperwork (POA) in order. Do not cut any corners, use a lawyer for this. Then get in contact with this sister. Figure out if her intentions are good. If so, there should not be any problems if you keep control of the financial aspect and can operate as a team.

What I observed is that things change after alzheimers strikes. It can accentuate old grievences. Or it can cause past disagreements be forgotten. Is this an older sister? In that case, Obeying her and going along with her direction may be a simple extension of their childhood relationship.

Another thing I have seen here is that when siblings get involved with another sib with Alzheimers, there can be denial of the existance of Alzheimers in a major way. Perhaps, they emotionally cannot admit that this disease has occured in someone who is close in age. That is when they claim "there is nothing wrong with my sister", there is no reason she cannot live alone, etc. If overly involved, they can become an obsticle to proper care. They can say things to the ADLO that makes them resistant to the change that is inevitable and necessary in the care of the person with Alzheimers, IE moving to an assisted living.

As I said, without many specifics, I don't know how on the mark I was with this reply. You will have to determine how this applies to your situation.

Norbert

Norbert: Thanks for your answer. It is very clear. I did not explain that my 84 four year old mother is showing signs of AD, but "the sister" I am talking about is one of my siblings, and my other siblings and myself do not think her intentions are good.

".Making the smallest decision becomes monumental and overwelming. At this point, anyone who becomes involved in a regular way becomes the persons most trusted person."

All you say is right and I am very sorry we didn't see this coming. I hope we can still do something.

Thanks a lot,
Andrea