Hi. I posted here a couple of years ago about my mom. She is 69 years old and has Alzheimers. It took us a long time to get a diagnosis because she and her live in boyfriend were in deep denial. My brother and I knew that it would take something drastic to happen before we could intervene. Well that finally happened. We found out that her live-in was not giving her her medications or testing her blood (she is diabetic). She got very ill and had to be hospitalized. She was in the hospital for 7 days then the doctor had her moved to a rehab facility because her right leg is very weak. According to her trust I am in charge of her health care.

Mom is at the stage where she is not keeping herself clean and gives the caregivers a hard time when they want to clean her up. She is also incontinent. She can't stand up, use the toilet or shower herself. She is always referring to people from the past, such as my stepfather (he has been dead for 30 years) and an old boyfriend (out of the picture for 16 years). She does not seem too unhappy with the facility. Sometimes she thinks she is at a hotel and other times she thinks she is at work. Anyway, my problem is that she always wants to go home. She sits in her wheelchair with her purse and is bound and determined to go home. She knows that she can't because she can't remember where her car is or her keys. As many of you know, reasoning with her is futile. So is changing the subject because she gets that one track mind thing going.

My main problem is that I am not confident that she will be well taken care of when she goes home. Her live-in is still there because when she has not had an argument (completely in her head) with him, he keeps her calm. The nurses at the care facility think that she needs 24 hour care. My dilemma is, do I let her go home with home health care of keep her in a facility? Both are going to deplete her finances quickly.

How do I get over the guilt feelings? How do I respond when she says she wants to go home?

but I believe she is where she needs to be and to send her home would harm her. How long would it before the live in started refusing to let the care workers come in? I don't think it would be long because he doesn't believe there is anything wrong. When she asks to go home just tell her "you are home, you live here" and leave it at that. As to the guilt forget it, you are doing what is best for her whether she likes it or not.
Hugs,
Mariellen

MistysDaughter, when your mom says she wants to go home are you sure she means the home she left? My mom had alzheimers and i quit my job to stay at home with her, a home she has lived in for 60 years, my dad died in 2007, but my mom would always tell me she wanted to go home, i was told and i believe she meant the home with her parents, the home she felt safe and secure in, at first i would tell her she was at home, and she never seemed satisfied, but then i changed and would say yes mom i know what you mean and i want to go home too, (this was my home place, the home i grew up in, but with my dad decesed and my mom with alzheimers it wasn't the safe and secure home i remembered) but when i would say that she would smile and nod her head like she KNEW i knew what she meant. My mom passed away July 9th, 2009, NOW she is at home, safe and secure with my dad. I know what you are going through, it is terrible to watch your mom go through this, just have patience with her, don't feel guilty when you know you are doing something for her own good, she will love you for trying your best to do the right things, may God Bless you