My mother-in-law is between Stage 5 and Stage 6 of AD. 4 weeks ago we hit a critical stage where we had to make sure she had living arrangements. She moved in with us along with my sister-in-law to be a caregiver until we could set something formal up. My concern is, another family member has control of the finances and is not willing to work with us (we have medical power of attorney). We have been unable to set up financial things for mother-in-law without the statements or photo identification cards.

It has become very stressful. Now we are seeking legal guardianship to try to get control of finances and it's going to take a month due to the backlog of cases at the courthouse. In the meantime there is no financial reimbursement for medicine or daily living expenses, despite mother-in-law has monthly income.

Is it normally this stressful with family members and who has control over what? The sad part is, my mother-in-law (financially) is not getting what she needs through her own income. We are coming out of our own pocket and it's putting stress on not only our married relationship but the other family relationships as well. Financially we are holding tight to not go into our savings, with help of my family members who know what's going on.

I guess I am venting...seeing if anyone out there has been caught in the middle like this. At 29 years old my friends/family empathize, however have never dealt with AD personally. Feels like I am all out here alone in a storm. *Sigh* If anyone can console please do!

Hi, you don't say what kind of financial control the person has. Is it P.O.A., is there name on the bank account, do her checks come to them for deposit? If it is social security you can call them and have her checks sent to your house all they need to do is get on the phone with her and have her say yes when they ask is she wants to do a change of address. Then you can have her sign her checks and take them to the bank to cash them. If the financial person is not paying for her medicine or daily living expenses then I believe they can be charged with breach of trust and that carries serious consequences especially if they are spending any of her money on themselves.
Hope it works out for you!
Hugs,
Mariellen

The person who is handling the finances has Financial Power of Attorney and currently has ALL financial control of MIL's accounts. The pension/social security has been set up in MIL's name, however direct depositing into FPOA's account. Her checks do go as direct deposit to the account with FPOA's name. The only person who has access to FPOA's account is FPOA.

Can MIL say yes to having address changed with Social Security office?

The financial person is not reimbursing for medical purchased by medical POA. We were told by the attorney that a civil suit would have to be filed on MIL's behalf to recoup the money. We are not sure why the money is running out, we only know that when we have requested money "there isn't any left" is the response we get.

We are tracking receipts (actual copies kept and copies made of receipts) for legal purposes. That way there is no question on what we are spending money on.

I hope this works out sooner than later. Thank you for the advice, I will share with the MPOA and see if it helps!

"Is it normally this stressful with family members and who has control over what?"

Yes, family stress happens more often than not. If there are several siblings, there is usually one who does not like the way things are being done. My explanation is that families usually do not have to work together. They usually only need to visit at holidays.

Having one family member control care while another controls money is not the norm, and often causes problems when things are set up this way. The most common is when the person with financial control is primarily concerned with protecting his inheritance. And having a family member take total advantage of the situation financally is not uncommon. I is sad what a certain percentage of people will do when they think they can get money out of a situation. I say this based on the various things that have been posted here over the years. The exploitation that you hint at is way too common.

[This Message was Edited on 09/29/2009]

If your loved one is still able to make any decisions then yes social security can be called by you and she can agree to end the direct deposit to the FPOA account, she can also be taken to a branch of that back and she can get a counter check to withdraw funds from her account. Just because this person has FPOA doesn't mean your loved one has given up all their rights to their money. Also, as long as she can give the appearance of being competent then any lawyer can draw up a new POA naming you primary POA and once she signs it the one in place now will no longer be valid.
Hugs,
Mariellen