My daughter is not autistic even though she has many autistic tendencies and behaviors.

Her main issue that she can't connect the dots. Many people take it for granted that they can connect A to B. In my daughter's case the connection never gets made. She is very literal in her thinking and can't transfer a learned behavior to a new situation. Any transition causes behavior issues.

The upshot of all this is very aggressive behavior -- she over reacts to everything. She can't internalize things -- everything is everybody elses fault. We jave holes in our walls, ceilings and doors. She has smashed things in the house. She totally trashed the inside of her workers van to the point where it had to br written off. She kicked a windshield in and it had to be replaced. I have had the police come to our house and they have had to walk through broken glass, dishes, etc to deal with her. She has run out in front of cars and buses when she is angry. She has screamed for hours on end over having to do what she is told. I have been punched, slapped, bitten, kicked, stabbed and the saddest thing of all, is that I have been blamed for her behaviors. The last time I checked, I did not cause her to have brain damage. It's too bad behavior therapy does not work for her.

My husband often lets her get away with things or simply gives in so not to cause a scene. The only people we have over to our house is family because nobody else understands her.

Everytime I open my mouth to speak to her, she is extremely rude. I always feel like I am walking on eggshells around her. When I describe her behavior to others they just don't believe me. Her support workers have seen her in action so at least I have some back up when I am trying to explain to people what is going on.

There are many times I just want to walk away from it all, but I can't. I have taken a lot of abuse from her and at times I honestly don't know how I keep going.

She even yells at me for having fibromyalgia.

There are days when I feel hopeless and there are days when I feel hopeful.

Sometimes, it is hard to remember that she has brain damage and this it what drives her behavior.

The saddest thing of all is that my daughters issues were 100 percent preventable. Her biological mother made the choice to drink and do cocaine when she was pregnant. She has destroyed a huge potential in MY daughter. My daughter suffers everyday, I suffer every day, my family suffers everyday.

It's all very sad. Kina.

It is obvious from our past exchanges that we have differing opinions on many things but I can relate to your pain.

"Her main issue that she can't connect the dots. Many people take it for granted that they can connect A to B. In my daughter's case the connection never gets made. She is very literal in her thinking and can't transfer a learned behavior to a new situation. Any transition causes behavior issues."

"The upshot of all this is very aggressive behavior -- she over reacts to everything. She can't internalize things -- everything is everybody elses fault."

Your description of your daughter above describes my son very well. In my mind, this is a perfect description of a child on the spectrum. My son leans towards OCD tendencies which cause him great distress and lots of aggression. This OCD has let to Tourettes syndrome and this behavior effects every part of our lives and every member of our family. My younger son who loves his brother, cries all the time because he can be so mean to him. My family does not understand at all and blames me for not being strick enough or consistent. We rarely go on family vacations or even on a weekend outing because of the stress involved. I don't have the answers but just wanted to say that I do understand your pain and live it everyday.

Take care,

We may have differing opinions but on different issues than our children.

I don't think any of us have the anwers when it comes to kids like ours. After 16 years of this, I really don't have any concrete answers.

My family doesn't really understand my daughter either -- they tolerate her because we love her. My mother constantly undermines me because she thinks I am too strict and consistent. The only thing my daughter seems to respond to is routine -- knowing what is going to happen and when. I have spent years battling with the education system -- I tell them you can't change her but you can change the environment. Many teachers begin a school year convinced they will help her -- then invariably give up.

Family vacations and outings are so stressful for us and not enjoyable. Shopping with her is just plain scary.

Anyways, it's nice to share stories. Thanks for your input.

Kina.

Hi,

Well, I am still reeling from last night's tirade. Dd and DH scared me half to death, it all started because my son didn't want her to come in his room. Instead of accepting his request to be alone (he was watching TV), she "flipped her switch" and went psycho.

This girl can scream louder than anyone I know, you'd think she was being tortured. We have locks on our bedroom doors to keep her out if she's raging (part of our "safety plan"). Thank goodness we have solid wood doors everywhere, cuz she will constantly hit and kick the door for an hour if she's really flipped out.

Anyway, dh went upstairs to deal w her (he actually volunteered, usually it's me that has to). She wouldn't listen to him and she just became more angry, this is the norm. Her behaviors escalate if we intervene, she can't process what we're saying when she's stuck in this phase.

Dh was trying to restrain her on the floor, not possible. She's like the Incredible Hulk during these fits, so strong and not afraid of anyone. She really beat on him, repeatedly hit him in the face and then he lost it.

Thank goodness I had already gone upstairs to take dd her meds. I then had 2 people w out of control rage, I was afraid. Dh was screaming at her w his fists curled, just barely controlling himself. I had to tell him to walk away, I told him this happens so much when he's at work and he just needs to leave her alone so she can calm down. Then he got mad at me!!

95% of the time, dh is incredibly good natured and patient, but when he loses his temper he's irrational. Long story short, he got mad at me, mad at her and everyone was angry (except my son who was locked in his room watching TV! He cannot stand his own sister).

Exhausting and sickening, I'm still so stressed. I feel awful this morning, fibro has really kicked in. My drs told me that I will probably never get better unless we get her moved out of the house. I agree, since I firmly believe this type of stress is what started my FM, CFS and major depression. My body is so drained, somedays I feel like I'm truly dying. A lot of the time I wish I could die because I don't want to live this life another minute.

I am currently experiencing the MOST difficult time of my life, I am so miserable. Financially, we are in the red every month cuz dh took a 50% paycut recently, I can't get a job cuz I'm too sick, but can't get disability cuz I haven't worked in over 12 yrs.

I chose to be a SAHM before I knew what I was in for, now I feel so trapped. I don't think I could work and support myself now if I had to. I don't feel very secure in my marriage, I honestly think we will end up divorcing eventually due to all of this chaos. I can't stand it much longer, I now know why women abandon their families. I think about leaving nearly everyday, but I know I can't.

Like one of my favorite Depeche Mode songs says.....

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors,
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor,
And when I die, I expect to find him laughing.
.
.
.

This is a good idea posting here. We can have our own little support group, vent sessions, whatever helps. Thanks for sharing your stories, at least I know I'm not alone.

This life is so difficult, I am being suffocated and don't even know myself anymore. Right now I just want to hide from everyone, but the kids are starting to fight so I better prepare for battle. Wish me luck.

I have my monthly Dr appt this afternoon, I'm surely going to cry when he asks how things are going at home....

Have a peaceful day.
Hermit

I think we have the same daughter but in different planes of existence. I can totally relate to your situation.

We only have one child/teenager. We made a conscious choice not to adopt another because our daughter's behavior was so out of control even at a young age.

My daughter too has that mysterious switch that goes on and off for very little reason at all. I know when she is going to lose because her eyes get a certain look (I call it the black look). After she loses it, it is very seldom that she will come back to the real world without wreaking havoc. Life is either very quiet and peaceful or totally crazy.

My husband is either very calm or just totally loses it with her. I love it when they start yelling at each other, I usually walk away at that point. My daughter knows how to push his buttons totally. Mine don't get pushed as often. But there are days when she follows me around and pushes and pushes for me to lose it and then she gets mad when I don't.

A lot of my FM symptoms are related to stress. It has been unrelenting for the past 15 to 16 years. I am always mentally drained and irritable.

I have been through my marriage falling apart -- but we put it back together -- so in that respect there is no stress there.

I don't know how many times I have thought to myself that I can't take one more minute but I always take more and more.

There are very few people that actually know my real situation because if I try to explain it, I usually end up saying "well, you have to live it". And I hate when people look at me with pity, I don't want to be pitied, I just want a little bit of understanding.

I think I often feel suffocated, I am no longer the person I used to be.

Well, I guess I better get going.

Have a peaceful day -- don't I wish.

Blasphemous rumors is one of my favorite songs.

Kina.

"Blasphemous rumors is one of my favorite songs."

Wow, bringing back some good memories. It took me along time to realize I was only human and could only take so much. I beat myself up all the time thinking I should be able to handle all this in a better way. I have done alot of things right but sometimes it is too much and I need a break. I totally understand how hard this can be on a marriage and am so happy that my husband and I are ok, so far. He is so mild mannered and easy going. I am sure this is why we have made it this far. That being said, he gets so angry at my son sometimes because everything is just so hard. We know it's not his fault and have spent the last 11 years doing everything we can think of to help him. We will not stop and love him very much. There are so few people that really understand what we, as parents, go through.

Kina, I have always been a stay at home mom. I have told my husband for years that I feel "suffocated" and controlled. I also feel that I am no longer the person that I used to be. I had an idea of how my life would be and what kind of mom i would be. That idea is not possible when you have a child with these issues. It took me along time to let go of that. I guess I'm not sure if I have let go. It does feel good to tell this to someone who does understand as this is very difficult to find.

Just a note to say hi and tell you something my doc suggested yesterday. He is constantly studying autism because his 5 yr old son has it.

He told me that my daughter should be taking DHA/EFAs derived from seaweed. I picked up a bottle (Rite Aid) of gummie bear vitamins containing this stuff, they're really yummy. I'm going to take them too. I am so terrible at taking all the supps I'm supposed to, I hate them. Maybe I should just get the kid vits that all taste like candy, I love candy!:)

He also said she would probably calm down more if we added Buspar to her drug cocktail. It's an anti anxiety med that would work on some neurotransmitters that her other meds arent touching. I'll have to talk to her Psychiatrist at her next visit.

He also rx'd Buspar for me, to help me handle all of this stress better. I've taken it before, so I thought now might be a good time to try it again. I am such a irritable, grouchy mess all of the time anymore, hopefully it will help.

I told him I'm concerned about my fog and memory problems. It's getting much worse lately, it has to be related to STRESS. I have lots of trouble working w numbers, and to think I was an Engineer before I had kids. Now I'm just mostly a half braindead mom!

Well, have a nice wkend...it's noon and I'm still in my pajamas, better get up and try to move my aching body.

I'm so glad we've connected here, where about do you guys live? I'm in Riverside County, So Ca. The smog is lovely this time of year :) :(

Bye....Hermit

I am not going to say much today because I am totally exhausted -- not a good day -- lots of walking on eggshells. It is really hot here right now, and humid and it just sucks the life out of me.

I will chime in again tomorrow.

Hermit --I live in Ontario, Canada.


Kina.

Just checking in. I'm out of town visiting family for a few days.

Boy, the 4 hour drive (ended up over 6 hrs w stops for safety) here was an absolute nightmare. It was just me and the kids...I was stranded at a rest stop for over an hour while both of them fought, dd screaming, hitting, crazzzzzzzzzzzzy. Lots of people staring, helloooooooo?!?!?!?

This is why I don't get out much. "Hermitlady" is my name for a reason.

I'm going home Wed., hopefully it will be less stressful. I'm at my mom's new house that she just moved into, and one sister lives 3 doors down. At least I have them to help me and distract dd from the usual freak outs.

Time for a quick nap.....see you later ladies. H

[This Message was Edited on 08/17/2009]

My daughter often draws an audience with her behavior. I love it when the old ladies circle us in walmart loudly making comments about her behavior or my parenting skills. It actually takes a lot to embarass me these days.

My daughter is probably going to have to get her tonsils out. She has recurrent infections (strep) and it is getting to the point where she has constant sore throats, inflamed tonsils etc. She is a HUGE drama queen -- every little pain and ache is a national event. Back in December she had 3 wisdom teeth out with general anthestic. This was so traumatic for her and/or the anesthetic did something to her already damaged brain, and for six months -- she was trying to kill herself or us, she was hospitalized with "mental" issues for at least 3 months. It was 6 months of intolerable stress. She has been actually "better" since June -- that means aggressive outbursts about 1-3 times per week not six or seven times per day. If we have to go through all this again when she gets her tonsils out, I doubt I will be able to withstand it.

Right now she is on Facebook saying she is going to HAVE MAJOR surgery, she could die from it etc etc. She still has to see an ENT for the final verdict. Oh my.

We had a meeting with her new case manager for mental health services. She is under the dual diagnosis umbrella -- gets developmental and mental health services from the same place. They are supposed to work on getting her to live independently --- good luck with that.
It is going to be quite a few years until she can handle being independent.

Well, that's all from me right now.

Kina.

Kina, I do hope your daughter dosn't have to have her tonsils removed. I understand the drama queen problem as I have a drama king. It makes me crazy that he has to tell me over and over about any inconvience or discomfort he is going through. At the grocery store yesterday he was wining and complained the entire time about being cold. I told him I am cold to but I don't have a tantrum about it and make everyone around me miserable. It's exhausting.

My dad and little sister are visiting this week from another town and when ever I have people over things get so much worse. His behavior gets out of control and, of course, my other kids tend to follow. I just don't want anyone here. My sons behavior is, at times, so stressful that it takes all my energy to stay in control. I just can't handle my dad and little sister standing there judging me. They just thing I have terrible children and it's all my fault. I just need to be strickter and stop letting them get away with stuff. The judging is more than I can take. I just want them out. Why is it so hard to make an effert to learn about my son's issues and support me. They wouldn't last a second in my shoes. I am just ticked off. People don't understand our children or the unbeleivable amount of stress it takes to raise them. It takes an incredible amount of strength to do what we do but we are not recognized for this. Instead, we are blamed and looked down on for not being a good enough mother. I say it again and again, no matter how strick I am it will not make my son "shape up". Somethings I just can't fix. Ok....I feel a little better that I got that out. I hope you both are having a better week than I am.

Take care,

I hate when people come to our house -- I spend the whole time being totally stressed out whether or not my daughter is going to blow one or a hundred gaskets -- you never know with her -- she can be very reasonable but the times she does lose it when family is around, it's awful. I can't be myself because of the stress and either can my husband. My parents aren't too bad -- they take it all in stride. My brother is a different story -- he barely speaks to her and goes out of his way to ignore her. He won't ever forgive her for pouring a bottle of rubbing alcohol over his special needs son head (the son is extremely intellectually delayed, does not speak and so on). It was up at their cottage, they left the rubbing alcohol where she could easily get it, she was about 6 (not reading yet) and the son was three. So, it was all her fault according to him, bad little girl can't control herself - blah, blah, blah. He never ever gives her a break for being developmentally delayed and having brain damage. I don't hold it against his son for biting and pinching me because I know he doesn't really understand not to. My sister and her family have done their best to understand her and pretty well accept her as she is. Her other Gramma is as tough as an old boot and my daughter doesn't usually pull too much around her -- gramma has some good "don't tangle with me" mojo going on. Unfortunately, as soon as gramma is out of the picture a delayed tantrum usually occurs.

The hardest thing for my daughter is probably that she is quite pretty and looks absolutely normal. If you saw my daughter on the street you would not suspect that she has huge issues. I think because of this, people expect her to behave normally too. She does make gains but they are very slow but people expect so much more out of her.

I am not having a very good week, I came down with severe flu at the beginning of the week -- two days of fever and excrutiating pain and my girl was not on her best behavior. I am slowly recovering but she is still "dying" of strep throat.

Well, I am off for a nap.

Kina.

Sorry your not feeling good. The flu S...ks. Family can be very difficult and it is very hurtful when the people that are suppose to be the closest can't support us. I also understand about your daughter being pretty and looking normal. I think because my son is so intelligent it is, also, very difficult for people to understand how he could have so many difficulties in other areas.

I have to break down and just tell them they can't stay at my house anymore. My twin sister came over tonight and took my little sister and dad back to her house for the rest of the weekend. I am sure they were happy to go and I am so releived. Today was horrible. My son had a huge meltdown this morning and I was barely able to keep it under control. Makes it much worsee with two people sitting quietly and judging me. My little sister was making comments all day about how it's my fault that my son is so obstenate. My four year old daughter was acting horrible the last two days as well. She is usually so sweet and a delight to be around but not being herself. I Think she was just exhausted from all the excitement. Anyway....my little sister told me she was evil. My dad and I have had a confrontation before so he knows better than to say it outloud but he is thinking the same thing. They don't understand that this kind of behavior affects the whole family and that I have to choose my battles. I let alot of things go that others would not but, as I am sure you know, I have to for self preservation and for my son. If I didn't, it would be a constant battle all day and it would destroy both of us.

My father is very judgemental and cannot see the good things that I have done. I don't get credit for the doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, teacher meetings, ard meetings, school portfolios, hours of research, books, conferences and thousands of dollars we have spent to help him. I have given up so much to help him and I know it is worth it. But it would be nice to be acknowledged for all of this. I know that will never happen but it still hurts.

Sorry, just very upset tonight. Hope you had a good nap and your daughter had a peaceful day.

Take care,

Sorry to hear about your family problems...you absolutely don't need that added stress. Luckily, my dh's and my families pretty much understand what dd's problems are. They all live far away from us, so they aren't around my kids very often.

I was just out of town visiting my mom and sister, came home Wed nite. They are very supportive and are currently very worried about me having to live like this. They know that I will probably never get my health improved until dd is placed out of our home. They have even encouraged me to come stay for awhile by myself so I can have a break, I sure wish I could but these darned kids "need" me. Dh works long hrs and school is starting next wk, so I'm kind of stuck at home.

They'd help if they could, but they are about a 4-5hr drive from us. My sister does help by phone sometimes, she can occassionally talk dd down from a rage. That is if dd doesn't throw the phone across the room first!

My dh's family lives even further away. They are supportive and good to the kids when we see them, but we don't get together very often. My sis in law has 3 "normal" kids who are so smart, mature for their ages, etc. I admit I get quite jealous at times, but their life has it's own set of problems. There's always some kind of drama involved no matter what kind of children you have, but I'd rather have "normal" drama anyday.

I had never in my life been hit by anyone before my daughter started in on me. As a younger child, I could handle her...but she's 5'5", 170lbs now (bigger than me). My dh can barely restrain her when he tries. Gets pretty scary at times.

Dd looks fairly normal, but has a strange gait, clumsy (gross motor skills delayed), overweight about 40lbs due to meds, her speech/lang still has problems, talks loud and often seems to oblivious to her surroundings and other people. She's very "simple minded" in many areas. She'd walk in front of a car, stand in someone's way, bump into them w the shopping cart, etc. I have to always tell her to be aware of people around her, traffic, etc. Very nerve racking in the grocery store!

She also never seems to care about her appearance, this drives me insane. She'll have food all over her face, hair in a mess, clothes mismatched w food spills all over, teeth not brushed, hands sticky...and she doesn't notice any of it. And if I tell her to clean herself up, she gets mad every single time!

Showering/bathing is a huge battle, always has been, and she isn't very good at shampooing and washing properly. Of course, she won't let me help her anymore, and it drives me crazy knowing how filthy she is at times. I have to keep her hair cut short, she has naturally curly hair like me, it's a wild mess most of the time. In fact, I need to call for hair appts for both of us!

It is unfortunate that siblings will often copy the bad behaviors. My son is 14 and so difficult right now too. Some of it is regular stuff related to being a teenager, but he's grown up being exposed to her bad behaviors. He has some areas of devel delays and learning disabilities, but we think he'll be OK as an adult, hopefully work and live independently.

It's not unusual for them to scream and yell NO, etc at me, talk back, mimic me, put their fists up at me, and be extremely disrespectful. Dd has many obscenities in her vocab, and she comes up w some very creative filthy names for all of us when she's mad. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh when she's calling her father a b!tch a..hole, or some other colorful name.

Sounds like we're all needing a vacation from being a mom. I am drained, crushed, overwhelmed, exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. My doc just rx'd Buspar for me, to help w anxiety...I am so angry and irritable all the time, my good personality traits have been killed by all of this stress.

So much of my life has been destroyed and I often feel like I'm barely holding on to my sanity. Lately, I'm actually very concerned about myself, I've never felt so mentally scattered and unstable. I've had bouts of major depression, and always have some depression, but this is different. I'm just losing it, a little more everyday.

I am aching from FM and so weak, yet I still have to be a mom to this insane family. I just want someone to take care of me for awhile, I'm sure you guys know what I mean. I'm just so tired of it all, but I can't see any relief coming anytime soon. This is not my idea of fun!

Are your kids on any meds? My dd has been on psych meds since 4 yrs old, she now takes Depakote, Seroquel and Geodon. She is extremely difficult to medicate (she's been tried on MANY different cocktails), it's like trying to tranquilize an elephant. Also, some meds cause the opposite of what they normally do...she'll get more manic and aggitated by something that's supposed to calm her.

Drs have always been amazed and puzzled by her, telling us they've never seen another child like her (the dual diag, and so many other overlapping symptoms). She's a huge challenge to treat effectively, a mystery to medicate. She is well known by the specialists in our area, a genuine tough case for them. And of course as she's grown and developed, things are always changing!

Well, that's my vent session for the day. I am just about ready for a nap, but need to get some laundry started first. Yuck, laundry is nasty and it never goes away!!

xoxo Hermit

"Are your kids on any meds? My dd has been on psych meds since 4 yrs old, she now takes Depakote, Seroquel and Geodon. She is extremely difficult to medicate (she's been tried on MANY different cocktails), it's like trying to tranquilize an elephant. Also, some meds cause the opposite of what they normally do...she'll get more manic and aggitated by something that's supposed to calm her. "

My son is eleven and has been on medications since he was five. It has been a rollercoaster for us as well. There are many meds he can't take because of his OCD and tourettes and many cause him to rage even more than he does now. We started a gluten free/casein free diet and lots of supplements under the direction of a DAN! doctor a few months ago. I wasn't sure what to expect but have noticed some very slow but definate progress. My son is now on the smallest dose of two medications, trileptal and clonadine. We have gotten him off the stimulents and risperdal. He has been on the risperdal since he was five. I think this is huge progress for him. Just a few months ago we had to take him off all meds and it was a nightmare. His tourettes and ocd got so bad that he couldn't talk, hold a spoon or hold his body still at all. Now on this small dose he is doing fine. Not cured by any means but managable. My goal is to get him off potentialy harmful drugs and I think we are getting there.


You are so lucky that you have a family that is understanding. I wish my family would make an effort but it became clear this weekend that not only do they beleive my son's only problem is lack of discipline but they do not beleive I am ill. It hurts alot and is very humiliating. I have to pull away from them as it is not good for me. First day of school starts tomorrow and I am excited. However, I do not look forward to dealing with teachers and ard meetings. I hope this year is easier than the last and he has some teachers that understand him.

Take care,

Once again I caught my daughter abusing her internet privileges --was posting inappropriate things on her facebook page. This is a constant problem -- she spends more time being banned from the internet due to behavior than actually on it. I monitor it constantly.

I confronted my daughter on her latest internet infraction. Like usual she got angry, yelled and screamed at me for a few hours. She ended off the whole temper tantrum by spitting on me at least five times.

That was yesterday.

I asked her today why she thinks it is okay to swear at me, call me every name under the sun and spit on me. She told me I "just needed to suck it up". I said I am not going to "just suck up" this abuse and it needs to stop -- Now.

Frickly -- I envy that school has started for you. My dd does not go back until Sept 8th. I am not looking forward to dealing with all the teachers etc -- being in High School she has four different teachers each semester. We finally get a glimmer of understanding and she moves on to the new ones. She has an E.A and a C.Y.W. with her at school yet I get continual phone calls. I am afraid now that she is 18, they will use her age as an excuse to kick her out.

There was a new principal last year who thinks calling the police is the right thing to do -- I don't appreciate this because the police have no concept of her disabilities. The old principal was great -- he understood her and was often able to difuse any situation without resorting to calling the police.

Hope everybody is doing okay and "sucking up" their children's behavior.

Kina.

Last year, without thinking, I put a plastic knife in my son's lunch box. In the lunch room he told a girl he would cut her with it if she didn't try some food that was on her plate. He did not do this out of anger nor was it his intention to hurt her. He was just so hyper that day that he was unable to think things through. He was just trying to be silly in an, as usual, totally inappropriate way. Anyway...the assistant principal threatened to call the police if my son did not tell him what happened. This is fourth grade and I think that was totally unneccesary. I think the fact that he is under the special education label has saved him from alot of trouble. It takes alot to kick out a special ed kid and even then they have to provide services for him at home. They don't want that expense.

Anyway...I would not be too envious. On the first day of school my son got in trouble on the bus and now has to sit with all the kindergartners in the front. He was very upset. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

It's a fine line between punishing a child for bad behaviour that is intentional and punishing a child for an untentional behaviour caused by a developmental disability. I have fought many battles with the school board and won all of them over this issue. It's been a long drawn out battle that I have little energy for but somebody has to advocate for my girl or she would have been turfed out of school years ago.

How long does your son have to sit with the kindergartners -- most of the people that deal with my dd understand that any punishment that lasts more than a few days stops having any meaning. I hope this is not a sign of things to come. Maybe the excitement of the first day of school was just too much.

My dd has great problems with transitions -- so during the school year, sunday nights are a living hell and mondays at school is the worst day of the week. It's like she starts over every week.

Kina.

Yes, transitions have always been very difficult for my son. I was trying to stand back and let things work out for themselves. My son dosn't think much of other peoples rules and just kept going to the back of the bus. I guess this driver was too overwhelmed to keep up with him. I told my son that he better follow all the rules because next time this driver will not forget him. We will see what happens. I will send good vibes your way on Mondays and Sundays.

"It's been a long drawn out battle that I have little energy for but somebody has to advocate for my girl or she would have been turfed out of school years ago".

Very few people understand the strength and determination it takes to do this. Your a good mom.

Take care,

Hermitlady -- I am sending gentle hugs your way as I read on the depression board things are not going so good for you right now. Lets us know how things are going.

Frickly -- my daughter doesn't seem to think much of rules either -- I just don't think she gets them. She has been driving me slowly crazy the last few days. Today she had a huge meltdown because I asked her to take the dog for a short walk -- this is an expectation as it is her dog. Anyways, she had a huge pile of fliers and was circling stuff in them. I said to leave it and finish after she got back -- the dog was sitting by the door whining at this point. She would not stop. I said why are you doing this -- her answer -- it was stuff she wanted for christmas. Okay, so not a priority. I told her to stop and walk the dog -- well, didn't I get an earful of expletives, the chair got thrown etc. She has been doing this a lot lately -- the whole world is expected to wait for her. I guess it's that old transition thing.

One of the big problems I have with my dd and school is consistency. The staff never consistently follows through with anything or they allow one thing one day and change it the next. If my dd knows what to expect she does a lot better. In one way I am looking forward to school starting, but in another I absolutely dread it.

Kina.

I just thought I'd check in and say hi. I've been in a bad depr the past couple of wks, just so fed up with everything. And it is so damn hot and smoky outside, just miserable.

I love reading you guys' posts, so many similar experiences between us. My dd has been doing well the past wk, she's still on summer break (until 9/9). I just don't ask her to do much of anything, that's the only reason she's not fighting w me a lot. We both need a break, I guess.

xoxo Hermit

Sorry you have been feeling down but glad you are getting a little break. This is the second week of school here. Things have come crashing down this week. I made an appt. for an autism specialist for tomorrow as my son really scared me yesterday. I want to get him in an intensive program to help him deal with his frustration. I am so mad at his therapist as she has not seen him all summer and then just made a schedule for group social skills for once a month. Whats the point in even going. He needs help on a weekly basis. Really a daily basis but who can afford that? We have an ARD meeting tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it.

Take care,

This has been a bad week -- too many melt downs to even count anymore. My health -- physical and mental is really suffering. I have decided to leave the boards for awhile. The insults on the FM board have become too much.

Please keep this thread going because hearing from you guys always makes me feel somebody understands and there is no judgement here.

I will check in once in awhile.

At this point I just don't know what else to do. Kina.

I do understand how overwhelming things can seem when behaviors are out of control. I think it is a good idea to steer clear of situations that cause more stress as they will put you in a negative frame of mind that is difficult to come out of. I no longer post on the CFS board for this reason. Take care of yourself.

Most people are unware of this day.

"Alcohol can have devastating effects on families; alcoholism, domestic violence and drunk drivers. Another harmful effect of alcohol consumption is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). 1 out of every 100 children is born with the effects of alcohol during pregnancy, more than Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome and Cerebral Palsy combined.

During pregnancy, the brain and central nervous system are always developing. When alcohol is consumed, it goes directly into the mother’s bloodstream and crosses into the placenta passing to the baby through the umbilical cord. The term FASD encompasses a range of effects that can occur in an individual who was prenatally exposed to alcohol. Some of the possible mental and physical effects include; permanent brain damage, behavioral problems, psychological issues, central nervous system damage and organ and skeletal defects. FASD is the leading cause of mental retardation in the western world. The catastrophic statistics include: 90% having mental health problems, 60% are suspended, expelled or drop out of school, 50% are incarcerated for crime or inpatient treatment and 80% have difficulty living independently. Babies are born with FASD in every state, within every racial and ethnic group as well as crossing all socioeconomic levels. Persons with an FASD diagnosis can cost over $2.5 million over their lifetime receiving multiple health, education, social services, legal and financial assistance.

If you’re pregnant, want to get pregnant, or think you might be pregnant, talk to your healthcare provider. If you need help, seek help. Avoiding alcohol during pregnancy will save an innocent child!"
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My daughter is one of the innocent children. Her biological mother chose to drink. FASD is the legacy she left MY daughter.

Today was the first of school for her -- we had little sleep on monday night because of the ranting, the ongoing destruction of our basement, physical aggression, etc, etc. all anxiety based.

I am so tired. Kina.

I hope while your daughter is in school you are able to take this time to relax and recharge. I know school brings a whole new set of stressors. This morning I am going to a meeting with all my son's teachers. Once again, to try and convince them he is not just being difficult but is controlled by his disorders. I agree, it is very tiring....

Take care,