I thought I'd post this site in case anyone is in the same boat as me, you want friends and don't even know where to begin. I saw some things I was doing wrong, according to this, and so will be changing some things I do in the future. Friends are hard to come by, apparently. they don't usually just happen.
http://www.succeedsocially.com/notinterested

I mostly just have my husband to talk to and he gets suicidal and negative a lot. I need to talk to more uplifting people sometimes My job is AWFUL. I get stomache aches before I go in and double up on gabapentine in the morning or I will bearly be able to move to get to work. I took an online depression quiz and the result is "severe depression".
You'd think I'd know that already since I keep waking up wondering how'd I'd commit suicide if I could, and wishing I wasn't married to a man who needs me. (He would almost certainly kill himself if I did)
That's usually because the gabapentine has worn off by the middle of the night. The gabapentine really helps.
Sometimes it makes me happy, other times it just makes my depression less intense. I reccommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it. I know it doesn't sound like the gabapentine is helping me, but when I have gone off it for several days I was MUCH worse and really doubt I'd be alive anymore.
Hope this helps someone

[This Message was Edited on 10/17/2009]

I didn't check out the website but I do understand what you are saying. It is much harder for those of us struggling with a disease to make friends than it is for people that are well.

For one thing, we have to put ourselves 'out there' and get involved with something outside our homes or sometimes workplaces.

I started doing volunteer work and have made some new friends through doing that, plus it keeps me busy (I don't work).

The Lyrica helps me feel better too. Do you think maybe that some of your increased depressed feelings might come from starting and stopping the medicine and not keeping an even amount in your blood?

hugs,
vivian

Wow, I'm hoping your husband is getting professional help. Perhaps if he hasn't he might need some hospitalization is he's getting to this point. You can have him hospitalized when he gets suicidal because he is a risk to himself.

Being married to someone who "gets suicidal and negative a lot" is a bit much for one person to deal with. Then you waking up wondering "how you'd commit suicide if you could and wishing you weren't married to a man who needs you (and would almost certain kill himself if you did)" that's really a lot to carry around in life.

Have you gone into counseling to help you through all this--I'm saying to deal with your husband because it must be incredibly hard to live with him. Then you're waking up thinking it too. It can't be much of a life and I'm wondering if a therapist might help you manuever in this quicksand. Then you mentioned if you left left him he would certainly do away with himself--I hope you're not staying with him simply because he talks suicide.

Do you ever do anything great for yourself? You seem like you deserve some really good things happening for you--like going off without your husband to a great movie. Like going to get a fabulous massage. Take care.

Sara,

I agree with twocatDoctor, you really need to get help for yourself and your husband. He does not sound like a very good support system right now. If you need a friend or just to talk I am here. I have severe Manic Depressive Disorder, along with my FM/CFS and numerous other things you can check out my bio.
But I started savella a month ago last thurs. very skeptical cause I had tried them all, but it is a titrate 12.5mg upto 50 mg. I am now on 50mg 2 x day, the 1st couple of days I was ready to give up! Seen doctor last Thurs. again and he says boy Gina you just can't get out of this rut (for a year mind you) can you? As soon as he walked in I started to ball like always. Well along with my depression I am in severe pain all the time, so he says give the savella a chance and added abilify low dose 2.5 mg once a day, and I tell you what I am starting to feel better already with my depression! I actually don't want to just crawl back into bed after taking my kids to school, I have a hard time making friends because I also have the social anxiety disorder, panic attacks and what not. But maybe you should look into this.
Good Luck,
And again if you need to talk.

Hugs,
Gina

[This Message was Edited on 10/20/2009]

Thanks guys. I'm doing better right now, feeling low-grad depression, not suicidal. Trouble is, my severe depression comes and goes and who knows when it will be back. I do feel like I'm making friends slowly. Two people i thought dissed me returned and said they wanted to hang out..don't know why they took so long getting back to me.
Plus my husband's friend's girlfriend and i are hitting it off well, talking or writing everyday. i can deal with the problems in my life much better, including my difficult husband, with a network of good friends. It is helping me, tho I still feel sad. i feel like something is going to come along and ruin everything.

Sara...today is a bad day for me...I have had those thoughts of how I could commit suicide and I do not like having those thoughts go through me...also I have two people who I feel are depended on me...two sons...one seriously ill and the other slowly making his way out the door. My ex (second) wife is my only true friend, well not lately but that is another story...anyway when I read your story my heart goes out to you...I don't have any suggestions for you, I suppose except we should not be stuck in a rut...I love my sons and will do anything for them but sometimes I wonder will it ever end...somehow we put ourselves in these situations. For example when my wife passed away I did too much for my sons feeling sorry for them. I should have been teaching them to be independent, good in handling finances etc...How did you become your husband's caretaker?
Of course I do not know you but your story tugs at my heart and I hope there will be something good for you soon...having really good friends to share with is even better than family sometimes....I hope those two step up to bat for you. Thanks for putting your story out there...Strange as it may seem it makes my troubles seem lighter...Good luck to you....
Glen