Hi. I want to Thank everyone for their support and prayers during these terrible time. I just passed the 2 month anniversary of my boyfriend's death and I still feel sick everyday. My main concern is looking for a job and there are just none out there. It is heart breaking. The economy is so bad and everyone is looking and all the jobs online are for specific skill sets with many years of experience. I worry all the time. Sebastian is doing well but I worry so much about him. I miss my BF so much but I find myself being angry at him also for leaving me like this and all the problems. The support group meets every other week so that is hard. I have a meeting on Tuesday. It's supposed to be about the physical symptoms of grief and I will want to find out about this nervousness.

I am going to the library this afternoon for books on grief and positive thinking and then to visit friends. Everyone says I should get out more and really I try but I am so worried about this job situation that is all I think of. Does anyone have anything positive they have heard on jobs out there? I am not sure I would even make a good impresssion right now sinceI am so bad right now. I pray constantly and wake up at 4:30 everyday all nervous. I am trying to eat and take care of myself but I feel like I am getting nowhere. I try to stay positive about the future but it all looks so grim. Many people I know are having problems thrown at them also. How can I stay positive when it looks like everything is coming apart?

I really do appreciate all the advice and I hope that things get better not just for me bt for all of us.

QP

Well, I'm sorry but I don't have any positive inspiring information for you today. Just wanted to send you a hug and let you know I'm thinking of you.

Happy Halloween!

xoxxxooo Hermit

There is a Women's Center in the city next to mine. At that women's center they address all sorts of issues like work, resumes, job searching, in addition to domestic violence and so many other issues. Check around to see if there is a Women's Center that might help you.

Go to http://careers.msn.com/ not to post for a job, but to go to the bottom where they have various articles. The articles can be very valuable. Plus there are tips on resumes and they have sample resumes too.

[This Message was Edited on 10/30/2009]

Thanks for the hugs and advice. I am feeling particularily bad today. I don't know why. My life seems hopeless and even though people have been so nice to me, I am truly all alone in my grief. I got all these books from the library on grief and positive thinking but they seem so unrealistic. I see everyone suffering and trying and avoiding disaster. I am Still nervous and am trying to think positive but How can I after all I have been through.

I just wanted to post because I am feeling especially bad today and will be all alone and I thought I was coping okay. Not great but okay. I don't know how I can go on. People say to make a new life but what kind of life will I have now. The trouble is I was depressed before all this happened and actually depressed all my life. How can anyone with that history rise up from grief and the loss of a loved one when I was not good to begin with?

QP

you can't go around your grief, you can't go over it, you just have to go with it and TIME is on your side. But don't stay frozen in your fear. And yes it's a horrible economy out there and many are in the same boat with families, losing houses, you name it. Hang in and remember, TIME.

And do all you can to get any health issues addressed; thyroid, Vit D, adrenals, and other functions of our body.

Hi ~
As far as work and work prospects go - sending out resumes unfortunately isn't the way to land a job. Only about 10% of jobs are actually advertised. That was even in the good economy. NETWORKING, talking to everyone and anyone you know is always the best way to get a job. If that means talking to the clerk at the grocery store, then do it. "Do you know if you're hiring right now, who is the hiring person, can I have their name....what is the procedure etc.". If you're in a store you love, tell them how much you love the store, "you wouldn't happen to be looking for any help would you?" That's how you get a job these days. Telling everyone and anyone that you're looking and what you're looking for. Right now you'll have to be a little more broad in what youre willing to do. You may have to trade the 'perfect' job for one that has benefits and growth potential.

I still have to ask you - have you gone to talk to anyone one on one? I really think that's what you need to do. This is more than you can bear right now and you're having trouble moving one foot in front of the other. You are definitely making progress and give yourself a HUGE pat on your back for that!!!!!!

You spend money to save your cat's life, would you spend that to save your own? There IS happiness in your future if your choose it. You have to choose to move towards it, to see it. I know that's hard to believe right now. People overcome horrific tragedies and find ways to be happy and have incredible meaning in their lives - it's all inside of themselves. It has nothing to do with outside forces. You will get what you believe you will get, simply by what you believe.
It's kind of hard to understand, but I'm hoping that someday you will because we all care and I hope you feel that. I truly do.

Do you realize how special you are? All that you did for your Mom will not, has not ever been forgotten. Yes the outcome was sad and effected you horribly, but you should be able to say to yourself that you were there for her in her time of need. What a gift you gave her - what a gift to yourself.

As mentioned, you do have to give yourself time. But that doesn't mean you can sit in the same mental position and one day you'll wake up and feel better sometime down the road. Each day do ONE TINY thing for yourself. ONE TINY THING. It doesn't matter what it is, but it has to be for you. Polish your nails, go for a walk to get some fresh air, write a positive note to yourself and mail it to yourself.
You will be the one to look out for YOU. It takes time, but it will pay off.

PS- about the job, go online and learn to write a KILLER cover letter. VERY important. I have interviewed and hired hundreds of people. Hiring Managers only scan resumes for key words -to what they're looking for. In about 10 seconds they decide if they want to read in more detail. The cover letter will set you apart. Don't say "references upon request", include them if you have outstanding ones. You can list any outside activities at the end as long as they do NOT include any religious or political affiliations or anything that could possibly offend or turn off someone who has a diff. point of view.

You probably know all of this - I don't mean to sound like you don't. Just want to help anyway I can.

Tomorrow, do something for yourself, okay?

Janalynn

Thank You for your advice. I did learn a lot from it. The problem with networking is I dn't know a lot of people. I am all alone especially now. I have my brother but he tends to keep to himself also. I have asked the few friends I have for leads on jobs and applied to a friend's place of business. They were supposed to hire but like everywhere else they work to death the employees that they already have. But still she is a great friend who goes to HR and asks every week if the situation has changed. I do ask at some places I go to but I eally do not have a large network of family and friends to draw on.

I have my support group on Tuesday but I can see how I do need one-on-one counseling because I have all these other problems on top of my grief but that is out of the question with no money. The vet bills were unexpected so that took any money I could have used for myself going to the vet. I am still going to look into other alternatives but even low cost right now is unaffordable.

Everyone says I took care of my Mother and I was there for her but I feel guilty because sometimes I would get upset about how sick se was and wanted her well and I wanted more freedom. Now I wish she was here in any condition. Just today I was thinking how nice it would be to be setting her hair as I brushed mine or the time I cut it too short.

I am a very good writer, so I have been told and I think the killer cover letter is something I could do well. That's one area I can work on more.

I just feel real bad. I am mad at my BF for leaving me and angry that the economy is bad not just for me but for so many people I know. I am depressed, anxious and sad and am not even thinking of being happy. I just want peace. Not to worry and I don't expect anything great but just not bad. I will do stuff for myself in the meantime. I am doing my hair and that is why I started thinking of my Mom's hair.

QP

Hi!
Honey, feeling angry at your BF for leaving you is completely normal! The feelings you feel of guilt about being upset that your Mom was so sick and wanted more freedom, was/is normal too. Everyone gets angry about the situation they are in at the time - especially when they have no control.

Let me tell you something, the day that either my Mom or Dad pass away, I will be here in a heartbeat if I can even type and I hope that you will be here to help me through. It is the one thing (besides my husband and kids of course) that I fear the most in life. I know it's a normal part of life but truthfully I don't know how I'll get through it. SO...my advice to you is the same as I hope I'll be able to give to myself and that others will give to me as well.

Networking - I know it's hard when you don't know a lot of people. It's really more than talking to friends because friends aren't always the ones that know of job openings. Look in your local paper, there are usually networking events. Go to the workforce/job center. Do register with all staffing agencies where you live. Motivation is probably a little bit of an issue for you right now and boy I do understand that. I have Fibro and am in pain every single day. I have to MAKE myself do things.

My husband is still unemployed after 15 months so he's in the same boat. It's a constant battle but one he can't give up on. Just getting a lead or an interview makes you feel like there is progress being made. I'm glad you're a good writer, you're way ahead of many many people! If you're a good writer, (which you can tell you are by your posts) you're probably goo at interviews, so it's just a matter of getting in for an interview. Follow up on every single resume you send out. (hard to do when they're blind ads though) As long as you're working towards it, THAT is progress! THAT is doing something for yourself. Yea!!!

On the weekends when you can't be looking for a job, take the day off - go get a couple of magazines and read. Lay on the couch with Sebastian and read. Get your mind off things for a while. I always have to do that - it gives me a little reprieve.

Since you like animals so much, have you ever though about volunteering for a couple of hours a week at the Humane Society? I used to walk the dogs when I was a teenager. Loved it.
Or what about a senior home. They say (and I know it's true) that there is no better way to feel good about yourself than to give of yourself.

Something to think about?

Now...your assignment, if you choose to accept it... =) GO TO YOUR DR! d you have a regular Dr.? They can help you right now. You don't have to go to a psychiatrist if you can't handle that just yet. (although talking to someone will do you some good) They will give you samples of something. Many medications you can get at Walmart of other pharmacies for $4 (ask for one of those, they can look it up)
I promise it can make a HUGE difference in helping you cope until you can start feeling better on your own. You need some help honey and this may be too much for you to do on your own.
It has helped me in the past when I've faced some very difficult times. I didn't need anything long term. You may be surprised at how much it can help you!!!!

Dr.'s offices will be you if you explain your situation. If it's $10 a month. I wish I could send you the money!

Peace..... it is possible.
I'm looking forward to it as well...I know it's around the corner. =)

Janalynn

So you could see a doctor for free, or get low cost/no cost help from NAMI (mental health organization). Then you can use the rest of the resources I gave you to get the meds for free.

Hi,

More hugs and hopes for happiness.....I'm thinking of you.

H

Thank You all. Last night when I read this I said Thank God for the people on this site. I appreciate all the good advice and hugs. It made me feel good.

I feel bad today. I am so sad and depressed and down. I don't know how I can look for a job feeling this bad all the time. How can I be up and sound up about a job. You are right about Motivation Janalynn. At times I feel a bit more optimistic but most of the time I am so sad that I can hardly function and that same depression is keeping me from seeing a doctor.

All of your advice is great Janalynn. Now if I can just feel a bit better to do it. I was thinking of volunteering in the future. Right now I decided I must think of only myself for a while. I think to myself if I won the lottery I would spend the rest of my life volunteering.

I also need to go over my Office skills, Word, Access, Excel and I started and know I should do it but it is so hard. Even if I got a job right away I don't know how I would even function with all I have on my mind. Right now all I can do is pray and try. If I was in a better frame of mind could do more but it is so hard to do even little things.

I hope Peace is right around the corner. I pray and pray now not just for myself but for others on this board ad friends. I just don't know what else to do.

QP

Dear QPXZ

Its good to see you coming on and posting from time to time. I know times must
be really tough...i look at the news and stuff and feel down myself. Worry about
what the kids will do once they finish college and all that.

My troubles are of a different kind than yours but they get me down too. Especially
since depression runs in my family. I wish i could will myself not to believe that but
theres too much evidence. Im just taken over by feelings of anxiety, worthlessness
and those are the times when i kind of just sleepwalk thru life. Not feeling alive really
just functioning. Its hard. I just wish the darn scientists would be able to come up with
something that would make us feel upbeat and positive and happy without any side
effects for a change.

However, like i told you before my episodes have become more manageable, because
of the deep breathing, and meditation i do.

I was watching this tv program called 'Boss's Day Out' on a business channel, (my DH
was watching otherwise i hardly watch Business Channels) but this one intrigued me.
The guy was head of this huge power company. But he looked so relaxed, down to earth
humble and positive inspite of the many responsibilities im sure he must have.

They were filming in his house and in the early morning, he showed how he and his wife
read some philosophical books together...and the one he was currently reading was
'The Secret'. he seemed to really believe in its principles. That what you thought and concentrated most on, manifested.

I myself have had one or two successes with it...recently. I used to do visualizing exercises
as suggested. And i got two things which i used to hanker after but hadnt got. One was
those old old comic books..black and white probably printed way back in the 1960s and out
of print now. I used to always look out for those because i love things which remind me of
my childhood, but they used to come out of UK and nowhere to be found. As you can
imagine, 40 year old comic books, out of print in a foreign country like Nepal. But...some days ago i was walking downtown and there on the footpath, scattered carelessly were not one,
but seven of them at a second hand pedlars footpath store!

The second hand thing was something very expensive. I had wanted it for long but the DH
always said no. We cant afford it. And then some days back, he just said i could buy it. I was quite astonished because i had forgotten i had asked. However, given the economy is bad,
and so many unbidden expenses just came out of nowhere, ive not bought yet. There are so
many things which need doing like seeds for the garden and sons school uniform and having
to visit when people move into new house, or attend prayer anniversaries etc...and husbands
main business folded so i know we need to be careful and think of the future.

But the thing is i sort of believe in the Secret philosophy to a certain extent. Can you borrow
it from the library or something? if you havent read it yet.

Its good to know you are praying. praying is one of my main crutches. I feel good when
I pray. Like Im not completely alone. And i feel like at least Im doing something. Depression
does get one down so terribly especially if it is long term and one has been affected in all
aspects of life because of it.

Its true depression gets in the way of making a move like seeing a doctor...but as soon as
you feel a little good; just try and do something productive...even if its dialling somewhere
for some info.

When im really down i just give myself up to it and try and do some relaxing exercises or
daydream about times when i was really happy (young childhood days). then when i feel a
bit of energy stirring in me, i jump up and do some chores....its how i get by. Its not the
best way to have to live, and the reason why i dont invite people over often to my house,
because its too messy....but its better than giving myself up to this beast called D. I dont
beat myself up about it though, I mean we dont want to feel this sad and tired, do we?
Its the roll of the dice...this is what we were dealt with, but we can manoeuvre a bit and
try and make it better.

Although life has presented itself as quite challenging at times, i still do believe good is
out there..for you, me and all of us...we are quite a bunch of nice people arent we on the
PH boards mostly ?..good should come...I pray it will.

God Bless

I pray the economy improves for all of us. I had feelings of anxiety and worthlessness even before all this happened to me. Job HUnting makes it worse. Even in better times a job search is stressful and to add the death of my BF and worries about Sebastian and all the rest is too much. I went to my grief support group today. I was late because I had to pick up my brother from the dentist. Anyway they went over the physical manifestations of grief and we all shared the heavy heart and stomach stuff but the counselor made us do breathing exercises. I know you have told me that and I've done them but this just reinforces it. I think I will combine it with thoughts of a happier time too. For me it was young childhood with my Mother. I was bullied in school so that's out.

I do have the book The Secret. I borrowed it from my brother and will read it again. I also have the DVD which I got for free for entering Pepsi cap codes. I will try the principles in there agian. I think I did try it but not enough I suppose. How did you try it and how long before you got results? It is so hard to stay positive with all I have been through. The absence of any more disasters for a bit helps but this job situation doesn't and then there are the bad memories. I will try.

The prayers do help. Sometimes I am so down that all I do is pray constantly. This depression was bad enough before but tragedy has made it so much worse that I have come to believe that I did not really know depression before. All I can do is pray.

You are right though that even just dialing for info is a step. I just feel too bad to see a doctor if that makes any sense. We don't want to feel sad and tired and I am getting over having a real clean house. It's not a disaster so that is good enough.

None of us deserve this dirty D. The people on this board are the greatest. That is what gets me. Some of the nastiest people I know don't ever seem to get down. That is why I always pray for everyone here. We should have good come to us. I have had too much to bear lately and the depression was bad enough. But I will continue to pray and hope that it will get better for me and you and all of us. QP

Im glad you have the Secret book..and that you are praying…I know
Sometimes when we pray and don’t get what we want immediately
Or soon or even for long periods of time, one feels like giving up.
But luckily for me I do have experiences of prayers answered even if it
Took decades (my poverty elimination), independence and removal
From an abusive climate like in laws house (nine years) or the brothers
Not having to be out on the streets because of no jobs..somehow theyre
Getting by or rather Im managing to find the money to keep them off the
Streets.

So when the depression doesn’t seem to be letting up, getting cured
Or when some crisis or other occurs (like my son recently hurt
Someone while riding his bike to school, and my DH had to go and
Talk to the police and his teachers also said he is not concentrating
On his studies, comes untidily etc., or the brothers develop some
Health condition or my mothers sisters family dupe us out
Of our family home etc etc then I force myself to remember the
Good things that did happen and the prayers that were answered
Even if they took really long.

I bought the book a year back and although I am not consistent
With the visualizations and positive thinking they advocate, I
Think I did some serious meditations and affirmations like ….
“ I have everything I want now”. A couple of times recently
before I got the things I mentioned..(comics etc).

I also had been affirming the statement, “I am completely healthy
In body, mind and soul” recently and my knee joint pain which
Was bothering me for some months and another pain which was
Shooting down my right side has stopped. I did put oil and have
Green tea but it could also be that the affirmations led me to
Get advised on having green tea and the oils, right?

I am going to keep at it and visualize myself being free of
Depression….who knows.

Yes, as a Buddhist I do believe in karmic debts and how I might
Be paying off those, but Im pretty sure we are here to learn lessons
And not needlessly suffer once we learn those lessons.

One thing, which is strongly advocated is that when youre
Visualizing you have to be relaxed and in a happy frame of
Mind…..

For that I used to first do the relaxation exercises, then think of
My childhood days, or possessions which brought me happiness
Or my little successes in life, and when I found myself feeling
Happy, I would then affirm and visualize what I wanted.

I understand you when you say you keep anticipating and fearing
The next bad thing which might be around the corner. Believe
Me, I too suffer the same thing…which accounts for the generalized
Anxiety and sense of impending doom I feel a lot of the time….but
My breathing exercises help a lot with that…I say, “as I exhale I am
Expelling all the negativity I have built up within me” and breathe
Out and it has never failed to bring down my anxiety levels. And
Then when a level of calm is reached I breathe in and say..”only
Good things are coming to me now. Serenity, peace and calm is
What I feel all the time”.


I typed this out yesterday morning and the power went off before i
could send it.

continued...

got back to my post this morning..and continuing



I don’t expect a miracle to happen and boing! Suddenly life has
Changed…I am realistic…a small step at a time also is good..as
Long as it is leading UP and not down.

Please keep up with the support meetings; its good for you to
Go out and interact…with people besides your brother and
The friends you already know. Especially since these are the
People who really understand what youre going thru.

Don’t worry about Sebastian too much. Enjoy him while
You and he are there. We all have to move on. It’s a fact of
Life.

I typed this out yesterday, and the lights went out before
I could complete. This morning I woke up feeling very
Grumpy. And venting out instead of praying. But one
Has to vent too. There are so many things to be done
And this body is not cooperating. When the body is cooperating
The mind is not. So its very frustrating.

However I mean to try and do what I can. Today.
Especially the breathing and meditation. I tried to
Visualize in bed this morning and ended up thnking
Of al the things in my life that aren’t working and
All the things that went wrong from when I was a
Child and ended up asking “why, why”” instead.
Lol. As if I don’t know that is completely unproductive.

Well todays another day. I think i better have some
magnesium/calcium too. Feeling a bit teary. Wonder
if the PMS is setting in too. Lol.

You take care, QP, make sure you eat proper. Im trying
to force down some lentil soup and veggies although my stomach
and mind keep craving for junk food from those packets.

God Bless

I'm sorry to hear about your son's situation. I hope that work out well for you. It seems like there is always something. I will pray that he concentrates more on his studies and does well.

Right now I am reading a book called "It's Your Time" By Joel Osteen. He does preaching on TV and it is all about the power of prayer and believing and how God wants you to excel not just get by with uplifting stories and affirmations. It does make me feel better but sometimes it is overwhelming because he tells you that you must keep believing. It's the same principle in "The Secret" and although I am trying to stay positive, it is so hard with what has happened to me and the economy and the anxiety I feel everyday. The hardest part of visualizing to me would to be in a happy frame of mind like you say I am so sad right now but I will keep at it and try your suggestions.

The breathing exercises help but I don't do them often enough. I like the idea of expelling the bad and inhaling the good.

I am starting to enjoy Sebastian more since he is rallying well. I let him out for a few minutes just now but it is cold so I made him come in and he was angry at me and that made me feel good. Buster the youngest cat was in the process of tearing up my new social security card I had to get for employment and I saved it but my new card has tiny bite marks on it. Cali the girl hides all day in my brother's bed. Sometimes I worry so much I forget to enjoy them.

The support group meets every other week so I don't have that this week. I wish it were weekly. I visited an old friend yesterday and at first it was sad. She is out of work too and we both got down about the present state of the economy but it improved later. I helped her do some stuff on the computer to help with her job search and I fixed her TV sort of. She has a digital box and I set it up so she was real happy to have TV since she did not have it since the digital switch in June. I felt good going home knowing I helped her and she gave me some Tension Tamer Tea that I will try tonight.

All of this is so hard and I am trying my best. The hardest part is staying positive in the face of tragedy and money problems. I started my seasonl job. Just meetings and classes now and I broke down and cried after an all day meeting Thursday. It was at a place where I went to the company dinner with my boyfriend and coworkers. I guess that will happen.

Thank you for your advice now and always. Lord knows I need it. I will read my Secret book today along with the other and try to eat. I am so thin and drawn. There is so much I need to do in the house and to brush up on my computer skills. It is hard to get motivated but I must stay positive. You take cae and as always I will pray for you and your son too.

QP