I am having a horrible relapse based on two alternative treatments I tried - Vitamin C IVs and UVBI. The have made me sicker than I was when I first got sick, 12 years ago. I am terrified I am going to lose my husband, my job, and the child we are in the process of adopting - not to mention our house.
This is such a living hell. I am terrified. I want to die.

I am not really sure what to say except that I feel for you and I totally understand your worries......I wish I could do or say more, but I will keep you in my prayers
{{{hugs}}}}

I am so sorry to hear that you are worried you are going to lose everything. What is UVBI? Try to look on the bright side and hopefully if you stop the treatments you will improve. Try not to fear what hasn't happened yet. I know this may sound harsh but maybe you could reconsider adopting a child. You need to put yourself first and focus on conserving your own energy. I hope you feel better soon.

I did Vit C IV's for 1 1/2 years. It did make me worse. However, after I stopped, it did get better. I have no experience with UVBI.

Please don't give up.. one day at a time.. I am so sorry you are going through this. We will keep you in prayer.

Best to you!!!

with this horrible relapse.

I don't understand, you are in the process of adopting a child.

Please talk to your doctor of all these feelings of terrified and wanting to die and all.

You're in my Prayers
Butterflydream

Have you visited the depression board? Maybe can get some help there.
The suicide prevention hotline info is at the top of the page.

My depression has been substantially lessened by vitamin D3 and grapeseed
extract that Jaminhealth recommended. Also get help from the vitamin
B12 patch.

Hope you can find something that helps.

Rock

Hi. Being terrified will make your symptoms worse, or also remember, that the treatments that made you sicker, are probably affecting your emotions also.

Have you talked to your husband? Has he said he's going to leave you? Dont assume anything, you're not doing yourself any favors.

As far as losing a job, I have those same ideas, but i work to put them out of my mind.

Take things one day at a time. YOu can't predict the future, and if you do, try to shed a positive light on it, so your mind doesn't run away with you.

Hugs and good thoughts are coming your way. You're going to feel better. You may feel like heck now, but you can and will feel better again.

I think your illness has flared and is causing you anxiety. I know that pain can cause it. I've been sick with Swine flu for the past 2.5 weeks, and have missed work. I've been upset to be out so much, but what can you do? if you're sick, you're sick and no amount of wishing will change it.

Be kind to yourself, mentally, emotionally. Talk positively to yourself. It does help.

I will be praying for you tonight. I know the feeling. I think most of us here do.

I believe for you that you have suffered no irreversable damage, and will start to feel better.

As others have said, try to calm down, as the stress will only make things worse.

God bless.

Thank you so very much - all of you - for your replies. I am really working on changing my thinking. The love from people I don't even know is humbling and astounding.
I appreciate all who posted and are thinking of me. And after 12 years of hiding my illness and doing it on my own, this support is amazing.