I know, I know...this topic has been visited and visted again, but I really need to vent.

I've had FM for 5 years.

I had a conversation with my mother today and for some reason, she felt the need to bring up FM and disability. She proceeded to tell me that "most people believe that fibromyalgia is just all in your head or a psychiatric disorder.....and that goes for most doctors too." Then she said I may as well decide NOT to file disability since nobody really believes in it.

I told her that alot of people with FM get disability.

She told me that she has a friend whose son has MS and he has been to court 3 times and still hasnt gotten it.

I think the whole thing boils down to this - if I get disability, I will have a hard time making ends meet, at which point, she feels I may need to move in with her - and she has made it very clear that she is enjoying her life living alone. She doesnt want me to be a burden.

Of course one could argue that she only cares about me and wants the best for me - doesnt want me to get my hopes up cuz I may not get disability anyway.

Trust me, it is the first one. I know my mom best and she has never ever been the kind of mom that is concerned about anyone or anything.

I think I would say something to her like: "thank you for your heartfelt concern but disability isn't always about having a choice. If I am able to work then I will work but if I am not able to work then I will have no other choice but to file for disability even though it will be a financial hardship. It's a great comfort to know that I have the love and support of my family".

are sacred cows in the US. Mothers even more so.

But lottsa families are toxic, and the first step in dealing with them is
recognizing it.

When my mother was dying, she told me she loved me. I was 63. First
time I had ever heard it. All I'd heard up till then was nagging and criticizing.

My father didn't talk to his kids at all except to bark a command: Change
the channel. Bring me a beer.

You can fight w/ 'em. But that is stressful. You can try and change 'em.
But that doesn't work. My therapist advised, "Get toxic people out of
your life."

But don't tell most people you did. They always feel compelled to tell you
that was a heartless thing to do.

Rock

It sounds like she is on the "psychological" side herself. Even pertaining to MS!

Anyway, don't listen to her, do what you need to do for yourself to survive, and don't expect any kind of financial or emotional support from her, or you'll only be disappointed.

Too bad you have to have a narcissist for a mom (only concerned about herself). Now that's psychological!

It goes both ways, when she gets older she could be a 'burden'.

My mother was like that too. But I'm on disability now and my mother was even at the hearing ready to vouch for me. I think her attitude changed when she came to visit once and help me with chores, she realized she could work circles around me. She was a senior citizen and I was only in my 30's and it was clear I was much weaker and 'older' than she was. After that she cut me some slack that she never had previously.

But my mother in law is still horrible, she told me there was no way I'd get disability and she thinks I'm just lazy and living off her son. Thankfully her son does not think that way. I didn't even tell her I got disability because I have minimal interaction with her. Toxic people like that will suck the energy right out of you, and we have such little to spare.

Mom, you are right. I won't file for disability. I was only doing it so I could try to support myself and not be a burden to you, because I think I am going to have to quit my job soon because of my health and that means moving in with you without the income from disability! LOL

Ha! I like the last explanation from lvjesus.

If it’s any consolation, my dad told me once to play lotto instead of offering financial help.

Did he at least buy the ticket for you? :-D

...laughing... No he didn't but he said "Just one ticket now and then" as to encourage me not to waste money. It's so hilariously bad that it makes me often laugh. I think he just wants to enjoy the rest of his few years he has left.

It is difficult for a mother to accept that her child has a disability. Maybe for some odd reason she is blaming herself and is in denial. It might be easier for her to think that this is "all in your head" because it would be easier to "fix" and she wouldn't have any fears about losing you.

Depending upon her age, she may not be familiar with or educated about FM.

With my older children, I want them to be on their own, self-supportive, independent, healthy, and have a career not just a job. I think most parents of adult children feel this way. We want to "encourage" them in life- not "cripple" them. Maybe she is trying to push you to "feel better".

There are just so many people who do not understand us. If they would just "walk in our shoes" for even a week, maybe then they would understand; a month would be even better!

I don't know if your mom has a computer, but, I have had my family read posts to get a better idea of what I am going through; I've even invited them to dr. appts. so the dr. could explain FM and they would have the opportunity to ask questions.

No matter what is going on with your mother, I'm sure it hurts not to have her support. This is why we are all here for each other; we our a "Fibro Family".

When we are told to get the toxic people out of our lives, it would be soooo difficult to lose your mother. Print-out some info from this site and invite her to a dr. appt. Maybe some education is just what she needs.

(Hugs),
Steach