In the October 11 FM newsletter we invited readers to contribute to our "Wackiest Things Your Doctor Ever Told You" Message Board topic. You can go there to enjoy many ridiculous stories (just create a password if you're not registered yet), but we couldn't resist sharing a few of the recent examples here.
She says that the meds I am on are working, and that is why we need to change them…????
I went to the doctor’s office because my legs were so numb I couldn't feel them under me, and had a very hard time walking and standing. He did reflex testing (hammer to knee) over and over again and there was no response. His diagnosis was, "It will probably go away." And he walked out of the exam room.
From my GP about a year after onset (we still thought I had an inner ear virus or MS or something):
Me: Hey doc, is there any possibility I have cancer or something like that?
Doc: No way.
Me: How can you be sure?
Doc: You'd be dead by now.
Last March I went to a doctor of internal medicine. When I opened the doors to the building I immediately reacted to the chemicals and fragrances. My eyelids swelled, I was weak and confused, my pulse rate and blood pressure shot up. I asked him to check my BP again before I left. He said, “I'm not coming near you.”
My family practitioner: "You need to realize that your conviction of having a physical condition is making you ill.”
After [being sick] for four years, having to quit a career, etc., I finally bugged the family doctor into testing me for some things. I couldn't talk her into the idea of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction. All she would allow was perhaps my pain was arthritis.
The results came back with an elevated ANA titer (anti-nuclear antibodies), so she sent me with a bunch of paperwork to a rheumatologist to see if I had lupus. This doctor was at a major medical university clinic, and I was hoping for state-of-the-art knowledge. When she came into the exam room, I hoped my eyes didn't give me away. She was a pudgy…grouchy-looking thing with cigarette smoke clinging to her clothes. She had a young, scared-looking intern with her.
They examined me and left. For a long time. I guess I was hoping they had come across something, anything they could work with…Finally the doctor burst in and shouted, "Well, ya don't have lupus!"
I was so stunned I just gaped at her. "Well? Aren't ya glad?" she demanded.
"Sure, I'm glad," I said, "but if that's not it, then what do I have? Aren't you going to find out?"
She shook this piece of paper at me – it was a list of the vitamins, minerals, and other supplements I took to help myself – things like MSM, CoQ-10, and fish oil. "You need to stop filling your body with all this herbal crap that's causing all your trouble, and go to Wal-Mart and get you one bottle of simple multivitamins."…
Then she wrote my family doctor and told her I had a mental problem, but it might be wise to test me for AIDS.