Our Shared Brand of Sorrow: Grieving in Order to Heal

These words from the heart were submitted by Clarissa Shepherd, author of Find Your Way: A Guide to Living with CFIDS and Fibromyalgia, and founder of the inspiring Fellow Travelers FMS & ME/CFS support and chat Facebook group. As always thank you, Clarissa.

Grieving in Order to Heal

We shed our tears for a while and then began our day.

For me, it’s not only about where I am today, but about how long I’ve been here.

Unlike some illness, when we speak of ours, it’s in terms of years, not days or weeks. We all suffer at its hands, the loss of things undone, lives not lived, events missed and the days yet to come.

Then there are the times when an event in our lives brings up painful memories. Some even taking us back to the time that we first got sick.

We then feel as if we’re right back there, in the thick of that early pain. It can be overpowering and scary. Leaving us in a state of grief.

We don’t have to dwell on this grief, yet we must see it, feel it, and release it, each time it comes to the surface.

Otherwise, it comes back the next time, with reinforcements. Ignoring it doesn’t cause it to go away. It only encourages it somehow.

My hope for us would be, that through all of the grieving, we’ll forgive ourselves for being in this place, not of our own making.

In order to move forward, we must grieve our loss or we may find ourselves stuck within the walls of our illness. So grieve, cry, release, and live the best life you can, for each day. Knowing you’re not alone in your brand of sorrow.

We walk this path together, in order that the journey may be a bit lighter. Healing can not begin until we let go.

Clarissa Shepherd

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7 thoughts on “Our Shared Brand of Sorrow: Grieving in Order to Heal”

  1. Ruffus says:

    Great message/poem. So profoundly said. Not one to cry, but I do yell out the pain and anger in my pillow often. Totally relate to this message. Thank you for putting into words and the way you did, how so many of us (me) are unable to express.
    This really moved me and it takes a lot to move me (inside).
    This is a keeper and I have already passed this on to a friend who struggles as I do. My grief is thinking about what I was physically and mentally/emotionally 15 years ago- a lifetime ago. A course, I would have never imagined at age 47 I’d be here…here. My plaque above my desk at home is my acceptance statement “it is what it is!” I am grateful for people like you who share your gift of writing and ProHealth and other organizations and places like OHSU in Oregon where I have Drs. that care and help and the Frida Ctr. in Portland, OR where my provider – Cheryl Hyciuw fights to find answers for me, to alleviate pain to find out what else could be going on, etc… GOD BLESS ALL YOU IN THIS MOST *STRANGE & DISCONCERTING* JOURNEY WE ARE ON. Christine from Seal Rock, OR

    1. cfaye says:

      I’m a 20 yr survivor of ME/CFS and Fibro. Many of the early years, being bedridden. I’m so glad that this article touched you. With chronic illness, of any type, we suffer in ways that are unseen. Blessings to you dear one.

  2. Grammybeth says:

    You hit a home run on this one. Finally someone to tell me it is ok that I get spells of renewed grief. Every one in my family thinks it should be done and over with. Then go on and ignore, or keep the feeling inside so not one has to see it. They make me fell like somehow it is my grieving that prevents me from getting well. After 35 years and 12 years before a diagnosis you would think someone would realize there is no cure and that healing the spirit may not lead to the body’s health. I have found some peace with this life but there has always been a lot of guilt about my feelings of loss for a life cut short of its potential. Your comment about not ignoring the spells of grieving hit hard. Thank you for putting it into words.

    1. cfaye says:

      I so glad that this touched you. I write from my experience and from the heart. Yes, we must grieve and release it each time it comes to the surface. Our life is so difficult and so many people just can not connect with how we live.

  3. vrjjstover@yahoo.com says:

    Thank you Clarissa!

  4. cfaye says:

    You are a most precious gift to me. I’m grateful to you and for you each and every day.

  5. cfaye says:

    I’m so sorry that I had not written to you sooner. My support group keeps me very busy. I’m pleased that you enjoyed my writing. I write from the experience of a 20 yrs survival. Wow yours is 35. I still feel a loss and don’t know if it all ever goes away. It comes out in bits and pieces as we let it go. I do understand and share in your loss along with you. The link to my support group is listed here, if you would like to join us on FB.

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