It’s Fall here in the Northern Hemisphere, which means the beginning of many rituals and traditions. School starts, and Halloween is around the corner, along with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the two High Holy Days in the Jewish religion, are in the Fall. The Autumnal Equinox is September 22 this year; the World Series starts October 26; and Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) is November 1.

So, what do all of these happenings mean for our health and wellness? Rituals and traditions.

Wikipedia tells us that “Rituals are a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, actions, or objects, performed according to a set sequence. Rituals may be prescribed by the traditions of a community, including a religious community. Rituals are characterized, but not defined, by formalism, traditionalism, invariance, rule-governance, sacral symbolism, and performance.” In other words, rituals are those activities we establish – in our lives, our families, our cultures – to commemorate a specific event or rite of passage.

Traditions are “beliefs or behaviors (folk custom) passed down within a group or society with symbolic meaning or special significance with origins in the past.” Traditions have much to do with our beliefs and patterns and can be passed down through generations. Much like the old telephone game, however, the meaning of the tradition can get lost in translation. Remember the story about cutting the end of the ham? There are many versions of the story, but the gist is “we’ve always done it this way,” so it’s our tradition.

Rituals are part of the human experience. In this article from the National Academies of Sciences Engineering and Medicine (NASEM), Christine Legare, a psychologist and director of the Center for Applied Cognitive Science (CACS) at the University of Texas at Austin, asserts that rituals are “socially, shared, socially stipulated practices” and are “essential to meeting our physical, social and psychological needs…”

Rituals and traditions can be comforting. Knowing you’ll enjoy your Aunt Betty’s homemade dinner rolls at Thanksgiving dinner may be something you look forward to all year. One of my yearly pleasures is hearing Susan Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish Tradition. I’ve heard it every year for at least the past ten years, and each time I’m thrilled to hear it again. Celebrating your grandbabies dressed up for Halloween might be more your jam. Whatever the ritual or tradition is, preparing for it, looking forward to it, and then experiencing it can be that comforting quilt you wrap up in.

Merriam Webster defines ritual as “an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set precise manner” and traditions as “cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions.” That regularity and continuity can help calm us. A 2013 Scientific American article, Why Rituals Work, points out:

People engage in rituals with the intention of achieving a wide set of desired outcomes, from reducing their anxiety to boosting their confidence, alleviating their grief to performing well in a competition – or even making it rain.

Like most of us, my husband doesn’t like pain, and he especially doesn’t like pain inflicted on his body by others – like the dentist drilling his teeth, the phlebotomist taking his blood, or the nurse giving him a shot. His ritual when he knows that pain is on its way is to press his fingernail into his thumb, thereby inflicting pain upon himself, which he can ratchet up or down corresponding to the pain being inflicted by someone else. Effective? It is for him.

Rituals and traditions provide a sense of connection. Growing up, we knew that Sunday dinner would be beans and cornbread with fried potatoes or sauerkraut and wieners. Family members, near and far, blood-related or not, knew there was room for them at Grandma Gray’s table. We were connected and we knew, just like we could count on these meals, we could count on one another. We created memories around that table that have sustained many of us through the loss of loved ones.

On the other hand, rituals and traditions can cause discomfort. When family disagreements threaten the harmonious carving of the turkey and pouring of the gravy, your stomach may seize, and you find yourself wanting to run far away. For some people, holiday rituals and traditions mean major stress triggers. Not everyone wants to spend holidays with their family of origin. That’s ok. Remember:  normal is a setting on a washing machine.

In her article, How to Survive the Holidays When You Hate Your Family, Molly Longman offers a set of suggestions to help you get through the stress, from acknowledging the dread to just not seeing your family. If you find family rituals and traditions too stressful, perhaps this is a good time to develop your own rituals and traditions.

What traditions and rituals do you observe? How do they impact your wellbeing? Let us know in the comments below.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines wellness as “the quality or state of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal.” But what is good health? Again, per Merriam-Webster, health is “1a. the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit; 1b. the general condition of the body; 2a. a condition in which someone or something is thriving or doing well; 2b. general condition or state.”

Words matter. But do these words really tell us what wellness is?

Side Note: Dictionaries are one of my favorite kind of books. As a kid, if I had nothing else to read, I knew the dictionary was always there – and I read it page by page many days. Sad? Not so much, as that reading helped shape one of my world views:

There is often more than one way to say something.

So back to wellness. The Global Wellness Institute (GWI) declares that wellness is the active pursuit of activities, choices and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” What is holistic health? My lay interpretation of holistic is that it covers my entire being – body, mind, spirit, environment, and professional and social life. Indeed, the Global Wellness Institute talks about six dimensions of health that when combined equal our entire being (as in being alive, not the body of being). Those dimensions are:

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Spiritual
• Social
• Environmental

Per Merriam-Webster’s definition of health, you could say that wellness means we are thriving or doing well in all these dimensions. Nirvana perhaps? Certainly, few of us experience days when all the stars are aligned, and everything (all 6 dimensions) in our lives is going brilliantly well. For some, four of the six will be rolling right along, while the other two are lagging behind. I believe that’s called kind of normal?

Normal is a setting on a washing machine.

Again, GWI suggests that health occurs on a continuum, and that the pursuit of activities, choices, and lifestyles to support wellness can move us from poor health (in any of the dimensions) to thriving, resulting in the optimal state of wellness. What are those activities, choices, and lifestyles? In our house, some of those are Walk or Die, strive for and maintain a healthy (for our individual bodies) weight, choose a vegan diet as part of promoting peace, enjoy meaningful time with our family, and participate in fulfilling professional and social activities.

Engaging in and enjoying wellness doesn’t mean that we are free of all disease or infirmity. Instead, wellness could mean that while you live with a chronic illness, you maintain close social connections, you find ways to exercise that fit within your limitations, you prioritize your sleep and nutrition, and you participate in some spiritual activity, whether that be praying, walking in nature, meditating, singing or whatever suits your interests.

Wellness is a personal journey. The National Wellness Institute asserts that “Wellness is positive and affirming.” Similar to GWI, the National Wellness Institute identifies six dimensions: emotional, occupational, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual. They declare that:

Mindfully focusing on wellness in our lives builds resilience
and enables us to thrive amidst life’s challenges.

While the number and name of dimensions of wellness vary, they are all similar in their pursuit of balance. They are all connected, and one can build upon another one. One source includes cultural wellness in their dimensions, defined as the development of awareness, appreciation, acceptance and embracement of cultural differences.  Dr. John Travis developed the Wellness Inventory in 1975, which includes “12 fundamental life processes that interact with one another to shape our life experience and our state of wellbeing.” His dimensions include:

• Self-responsibility and love
• Breathing
• Sensing
• Eating
• Moving
• Feeling
• Thinking
• Playing and working
• Communicating
• Intimacy
• Finding meaning
• Transcending

And a peer-reviewed study includes financial wellness as one of the dimensions. That study emphasizes that:

Attention must be given to all the dimensions, as neglect of any one over time will adversely affect the others, and ultimately one’s health, well-being, and quality of life. They do not, however, have to be equally balanced. We should aim, instead, to strive for a “personal harmony” that feels most authentic to us. We naturally have our own priorities, approaches, and aspirations, including our own views of what it means to live life fully.

Habits are a major factor in developing wellness. Habits are those things we do over and over. For example, I’ve bitten my nails since I first discovered I could do that! It’s an unhealthy, unattractive, and annoying habit. Interestingly, the etymology (that’s one of the words I learned reading the dictionary; it means origin) of the word “habit” is from the Latin word for “consist of” and later came to mean physical or mental constitution. Makes sense that habits are part of wellness, right?

So, what if you haven’t developed a habit of exercise or sleep hygiene or mindfulness? Can you still pursue wellness? Of course, you can! Unhealthy habits can be unlearned, and new habits developed. You might need a little assistance to get started and stay on your journey to new habits. Remember my nails? I invest in visiting a nail salon every few weeks; it’s especially difficult to bite that stuff they put on my natural nails.

There’s a large body of literature related to habits; perhaps, one of these books can help you in your journey to wellness:

• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
• Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Bread Bad Ones
• Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives
• Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything
• Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick

Remember, wellness is a personal journey. Wellness is positive and affirming.

Find what works for you.

By Julie Holliday

Resting plays such an important role in our wellness, but it’s not something that necessarily comes easily to a lot of people. It wasn’t until I was struck with a chronic illness that I realized I just didn’t know how to rest. Before that, the thought of a beach holiday horrified me unless I could play games constantly or swim. Read a book while lying on a sun lounger? I don’t think so!

At the beginning of the illness when I was very sick, I had to rest because I simply couldn’t do anything else. As I started to improve slightly, resting became a chore, and most of the time I was approaching it as something I had to do. Unfortunately, that attitude towards rest doesn’t make it very restful.

Eventually, I realized that if I got better at resting, I might just benefit, I might find a little more energy for other things. As I’ve always been a person who rises to a challenge, I set myself the challenge of learning how to rest well.

Recognizing rest as a crucial strategy

One of the first things that helped me was realizing that rest is not a passive thing. It’s one of the most important ways you can contribute to your wellbeing. Getting good at resting is a way you can take some control. Resting has a very important purpose. It seems obvious to me to write that now, but that little gem of insight took a while to come to me. Once I could really value its role in my wellbeing, it became much easier to rest well. It helps to keep reminding myself of its importance – every time I take a rest.

Rest isn’t waiting

Even now, many, many years after teaching myself the art of resting, I still sometimes find myself resting with an attitude of waiting. When you really want to be doing and enjoying things, rest can seem like a necessary evil. Something to get through while you wait for what it is you want to be doing. But waiting – and wishing – isn’t truly restful. When you’re waiting, it’s hard to switch off and calm down. Your mind stays busy, often planning whatever it is you might be waiting to do or resenting not being able to do it now. Helpful rest comes from letting go completely of any need, want or desire to be doing.

Knowing the difference between quality rest and low energy activity

Another thing that took me a while to discover is that not all rest is quality rest. Some rest, like reading a book or watching a movie, is really just low energy activity. There is a place for low energy activity in energy management; it helps us not to spend too much energy. We may need it (especially with a chronic illness) so that we have enough to spend on other things throughout the day. But low energy activity doesn’t provide the same value to our wellbeing as quality rest. The key to improving your wellbeing through good energy management is to have a planned routine that includes both low energy activity and quality rest.

Quality rest

Quality rest involves really relaxing and entering into a state of peace. It usually happens only when you can let yourself be present in the moment. For some, that can come from listening to some calming music or lying in the sunshine listening to the birds singing. Others might need to lie in a dark, quiet room or be guided through a meditation or relaxation exercise.  This kind of quality rest can be quite challenging to do for long periods of time because our minds can get busy and take us away from “being in the moment.” It can also be a challenge to enter into that state in the first place, if stress or a chronic illness has left you with a ramped up nervous system.

Calming distraction

I’ve found that in order to enter into a state of quality rest, I might first spend some time distracting myself in a way that allows my body to calm down. I need something to engage my mind enough to stop it racing everywhere, something that’s calming and gentle. Doing an easy Sudoku deliberately slowly or doing some coloring can work quite well for me as a prequel for quality rest. It’s much easier to relax and be peaceful if I can get my nervous system to stand down first. When I’m really struggling to bring down my nervous system, my most effective tool to engage my mind and calm me down is Yoga Nidra.

Napping

A short nap can be a helpful way of getting quality rest. If your body needs it, it can be easier to achieve than other forms of quality rest. Many people who struggle to sleep at night find themselves worrying about how napping might make night-time sleep more difficult. I’ve learned that napping is important if not napping would lead to me pushing myself. When I do take a nap, I set an alarm for 40 minutes.

Training your quality rest skills

Being able to relax in a peaceful state when you need to can take some training. It can be hard to learn to let go, and all new skills take conscious practice before they become unconscious. Conscious practice needs energy and is hard when you’re most in need of quality rest. It’s a great idea to practice these skills when you’re feeling most alert. Because of all the practice I’ve had with guided meditations and relaxation practices, I can now enter into that peaceful state quite easily, even when I’m tired.

Bringing down stimulation and stimulation breaks

Quality rest doesn’t have to be for long periods of time. In fact, unless you actually fall asleep, it can be difficult to stay present and in a state of peaceful relaxation for long, especially without having your attention gently guided.

Really short, regular periods of quality rest, as little as 1-5 minutes, can be very effective at keeping the nervous system under control, making it much easier to relax when you want a longer rest. In addition, if you keep yourself from becoming too over-stimulated, you’re likely to be able to stay more relaxed while you’re doing things, which will use your energy more efficiently.

I’ve found that to be really effective, my short breaks need to be away from all stimulation. I seek out a quiet, dark room. Dark glasses and noise cancelling earplugs are great when that’s just not possible.

My most effective longer quality rests are also in a quiet, dark room. Minimizing stimulation can help you reach that state of peace a lot easier, especially when your resources are particularly low.

Knowing when to stop

Another part of the art of resting involves stopping and resting before you get too tired. If you push to complete something before you rest, it’s likely that it will be a lot harder to relax and let go. Getting really good at resting involves developing an awareness of the effort involved in what you’re doing and stopping to rest when you notice that effort is increasing.

Taking a moment to enjoy and appreciate rest

The final ingredient to really turning resting into an art form is to choose to enjoy and appreciate it in the moment that you’re doing it. Sometimes positive mental commentary helps me get into that state. I remind myself how nice it is to be resting in the way I am. When I’m reading my relaxing novels, I take a moment to appreciate the entertainment I’m enjoying; I take a breath and relax into that enjoyment. If I’m doing a guided meditation or relaxation, I tend to wait until the end and point out to myself how good it feels to be relaxed in this moment and how wonderful that must be for my wellbeing.

Summary

The art of resting involves managing your energy well with a planned combination of low energy activity and quality rest. It involves knowing when to stop and keeping stimulation down with regular stimulation breaks. But most of all, it means valuing the role rest plays in your wellbeing, giving up the need to be doing or waiting to do, and becoming present to the enjoyment you can find in that rest.

Julie Holliday is a holistic life coach and writer committed to helping people take back control from energy-limiting chronic illness to create a life that they love. Julie loves spending time in nature, growing her own vegetables and spends as much of her day as possible in comfortable loungewear.

Writing as the ME/CFS Self-Help Guru, Julie shares tips on her weekly blog. You can also follow her on Twitter,  Pinterest and Facebook. Or join her Facebook group Spoonies with Purpose: Making the World a Better Place.